Back to School at Long Last

I’m hearing lots of “hallelujahs” and collective sighs from moms recently as school has finally started again (and God knows, I am one of them). For parents of special needs kids, the summer is a tough one to get through, unless you have camps or programs lined up and, even then, they don’t last the whole summer. Liberty attended ESY this year, but since school was out on May 22, he was done with the summer school session on June 26, leaving me with two whole months to fill since the school year started later this year on August 20. We missed the newly launched autism camp in town because at Liberty’s transition-to-kindergarten IEP meeting in May, the comments were made that, since it was a first time thing, all the bugs probably weren’t worked out yet and I got the impression it would not be that advantageous to attend. It was really downplayed to me at the meeting. What?! Are you kidding? It was plastered all over the newspapers this summer– the wonders of it, how there were ABA therapists there, first one of its kind, etc. Even teachers I happened to know were there. It was nauseating. I later found out that all of the kids were also potty-trained at the camp. Sheesh! Oh well, we went to Rhinebeck and got established with a top DAN! doctor so the summer was really quite remarkable and not a total loss in that light and I have to keep that in front of me. But, I still get my ire up when during the crapisodes we had this summer (thank you Kim Stagliano for this phrase), I tried to hire an ABA therapist to help me potty train. It didn’t work out. She didn’t show up after I wasted the entire day, and later when I finally got a hold of her said, “Oh, don’t you text message?” Apparently, she had text-messaged me she was not feeling well and couldn’t come. I was speechless. I STILL use the telephone, imagine that! Put me in the Ned Lud Society (basically people against technology)!

Liberty is working on his second week of ESE kindergarten and I must say it is going well. He is using his pictures to request food and loves school as far as I can tell. Last week I was in a kind of daze as my freedom had not really sunk in yet. I mainly reorganized the house and put things back where they belong which was no small thing. It always looks like a team of wild monkeys have ransacked the place. This week, however, I am starting to feel the glorious feeling of having TIME TO MYSELF. I actually went to the library yesterday alone and pawed over the books, lingered even. In a few minutes, I am going to go sit in quiet meditation and just BE for a little while before the golden bus pulls up at 2:30 and the spell is broken. I do work for a living, but I am blessed with a flexible job where I can work any time of the day at my computer, so some days I choose the morning to work, sometimes the evening.

Don’t get me wrong - I love my son beyond words – but everyone has to have some time to themselves and I am way past long overdue. I have been teetering on the edge of insanity for approximately two months now. Just being able to file my fingernails in peace is novel, or to read a few chapters from a book, go shopping by myself, do yoga in my living room, take a walk, breathe. All Heaven.

My hats are off to all of the parents with more than one child, and especially more than one with special needs. I only have this one little boy with ASD. He is the absolute love and joy of my life but he is nonverbal and does not sign and does not use a variety of cards (PECS). When he has a breakdown or tantrum, half the time I don’t know what is wrong. Its very draining. It seems I am always managing anxiety about his future in the background. I’m constantly trying to find new ways to view his autism, new ways to deal with it emotionally. I guess its like this: Some days are better than others. And, I can always count on the wonderful blogs I have found of other moms and dad who can relate to what I’m going through and can offer just the right thing to help lift me up when I’m about to spiral down. Thanks to all of you. As a friend of mine likes to say to me, “Together, we can make it!”