Hilarious, if you want a good laugh!

Liberty playing with bubbles at Grandad's

He is growing up tall..

They are Here to Teach Us

Video here

Merry Christmas Dad!

Cookin'

Liberty got through only the 2nd round of chelation quite well last weekend. He has also had his dose of Enhansa upped. He came down with what looked like the flu yesterday morning. He threw up twice. He was pale as a ghost, I have never seen my child look SO BAD. I took him to the doctor. They ruled out Strep with a swab and flu because he had no fever. Only a teeny little cough that he seems to always get after chelation.

There is a theory that metals bind to viruses, and when you begin to remove metals, you stir up viruses. Also, the information on Enhansa says that when you begin to titrate the dosage up, flu like symptoms can occur.

All of these claims end by saying that major improvement is often seen after these "sick" episodes.

After an entire day of sleeping and no food except a little fresh juice I made him drink, he bounded out of bed at 1 AM, color in his cheeks and pounced on top of me. He wanted water. He was thirsty. He was smiling and dragging his life-size Pooh Bear around with him. I got him a drink and put him back to bed.

This morning, he's up at 6:30 and says, "Dadeeeeeee!"

25,000 X the mercury...

Take note of this, then go listen to that beautiful soothing music I put underneath this post. Sheesh.

Voice of an Angel - Lib and I cannot get enough of this beautiful song

Bleach vs H2O2

I got an email today that I am sure has been passed around a few times, extolling the virtues of hydrogen peroxide vs chlorine bleach. We've been told not to use bleach around Liberty, but you know there is the matter of cleaning the toilet. I was looking around for some more information on the uses of hydrogen peroxide and I stumbled upon Green Living Tips. I got a lot of great ideas from this site, and have already made up by 50/50 mixture spray bottles for the kitchen and bathrooms. I like information like this. Non-toxic, and cheap!

I got an email today from an organization which I guess I signed up for last Christmas. I really like it. HealthyStuff.org is kind of a watchdog for toys and other consumer products that may or do contain unsafe levels of lead and other metals. I checked out the list and decided to post the link. It is kind of unreal what is showing up with high levels of lead. It's in shoes and sunglasses and popular toys. Because Lib had surprisingly high levels of lead on his very first metals test, it is of particular concern to me.

Every time I pick up something that says made in China, I am apt to put it down--oh, yeah, that is just about everything I touch. Are any of you old enough to remember when "made in Japan" meant something was cheap? Now, you rarely see that and if you do, grab the item and save it. It could be valuable!

The world has changed so much.

I never expected as a parent I would have to keep an eagle eye on our environment. And by environment, that means everything inside and outside of my skin! I was reading this morning on the blog, The Upside of Downsizing, about VOCs in shower curtains. I love Elizabeth's site because she always give you suggestions for replacing the offending items. She also describes the best plants to help clean your environment.

Anyway, you might want to check out Healthy Stuff and see if anything you have around the house is listed there!

Chelation

Liberty had a great weekend and first round of chelation. He is doing better than ever, though I still knock on wood, throw salt over my shoulder, and say some Hail Marys each time those words escape my lips. I am hearing more and more words, though nothing is strung together in a sentence...yet. Will keep you posted. I have to keep a wary eye on the yeast/gut factor from flare-ups during the chelation. But, I'm very happy. I feel like we are indeed on a good road again, after taking a detour.

And, that's all I have to say about that, as Forrest Gump would say.

Other than that it is raining cats and dogs here today and STILL the little hummingbirds brave the weather. It is a lovely deep green outside, but the grass...oy! high as an elephant's eye.

A New Beatles Fan

Liberty has discovered the Beatles, a mere 44 years later. What can I say? I am teaching the basics of music appreciation. I was six years old when this movie was made. Hard to believe. He loves this one:

A Good Read

I am always looking for something good to read. It's no secret that I am passionate about Pat Conroy and consider him one of the most brilliant contemporary writers. But books like Pat's don't come along but once every five to eight to even 10 years. I also don't like books that are turned out in a mill. If I see a writer that is too prolific, I bypass them because I am afraid they will be too fluffy, too amateurish.

Yes, I am a book snob. Utterly ruined by Anne Rivers Siddons and Pat Conroy and others.

But wait! I found another who turns out really good reads. They are funny, thoughtful, contain great dialogue and I find myself totally engrossed after the first page - books you can lose yourself in. Sometimes for me, that is just what the doctor ordered.

I am talking about Elizabeth Berg. I recently read Open House which was hilariously funny and a great tale about a woman who undergoes a divorce and takes on boarders. The next one I read of hers was Home Safe, about how a woman copes and finds her balance after her spouse dies suddenly. The one I read this past weekend which had me studying much of the dialogue was, Say When. Oooh, I loved this. Not a voluminous book, I read it in a day. It's about a marriage on the brink of divorce told from the man's point of view. I re-read many things the female character said...thinking, "I've said that." And looking through a man's eyes is interesting. I was really glad I read it.

Check out her website, then check your library. You'll be glad you did!

It's always hard to post something about September 11, 2001. One of my blogs I visit often has a good post regarding "the worst day" by someone who was actually there. You can peruse it here.

Thank God for My Earth Angels

Liberty's new teacher has finally arrived. I got a lot of correspondence from her last night, including about a four-page questionnaire to fill out about all things sensory, what Lib loves the most, his eating habits, dressing, grooming, names of all family members, pertinent things that I feel she should know, what I want to see this year, etc. She also included a full page bio about herself and her experience.

To say I am thrilled is an understatement.

Did you see Julie and Julia? Well, she reminds me of Julie a lot.

Yesterday, I picked Lib up a little early and went to Robert's for a haircut. Robert is one of our angels. We walked in to soft music playing (a guitarist name Govi..ah, he's wonderful), the smell of peppermint in the diffuser, the stained glass water fountain decorated with pumpkins and fall leaves. Instead of immediately trying to get Lib to sit in my lap with me, Robert and I just talked softly and let him wander around. I finally used the noggin for more than a hat rack and put Liberty in a long-sleeved shirt so the hair falling would not bother him. He came and sat with me in the barber chair, facing me. Robert dipped a comb in water and started to comb Lib's hair, and then my hair. Usually averse to this sort of thing, Lib instead closed his eyes like it felt good, and then he started stroking my hair and smiling. Yes smiling. Robert turned on the electric shaver (no response from Lib) and proceeded to give the kid the cutest haircut he's had in a long time.

Sigh....I am just going to bask in the "things that are going well" light.

I think of other people I consider angels who have no idea how well they are thought of, or that I even think of them. For instance, there is a guy at the Target garden center. I don't know his name, but we recognize each other all of the time. We always exchange greetings and chat about this and that. This man is one of the happiest souls on the planet. He radiates joy. He is always smiling and ready to laugh. So, he registers on my radar. He uplifts me during my day. I consider him one of my emotional supports. He is the reason why I feel that, when I have nothing else to give, a smile can mean everything to someone. So I give it readily, even if people don't smile back.

When I thanked Robert yesterday and told him he was A1 on my list, he said simply, "I just feel I'm doing an important service."

Yes you are, sweetie. Yes you are.

Connecting the Dots

Liberty came home from school today and played in his room as usual. He wanted me to get some more toys down from the top shelf of his closet. He knows I hide them under a blanket. Over the summer, I had let him run amuck because he was so bored and he had every toy that he has ever owned on the floor in a great big heap. Monday, I put everything up in the closet except for a select number of toys I knew he loved most.

He indicated by gesture that he wanted his toys down. I very calmly told him that he would have to put away all of his cars, first. He went over to the heap of cars and put them in their bin. After he did that, I said, "Put up your dinosaurs if you aren't going to play with them, and we will get down two more toys to play with." Sure enough, he put away his dinos.

Then he took my hand and led me to the closet. We got down two more toys.

This has never happened. In the past, the usual scene was that he would get excited and have a fit if he heard "no" in my voice. Forget instructions or bargaining. He did not get it at all. It would be a crying, whining fit, especially if I walked away.

This time, however, he followed instructions. He got it.

Later, I was on the phone, and it is not a portable one. He kept trying to pull me off the phone and I gave him the "wait" sign. He was boring holes through me with those big brown eyes, trying get me off the phone and then he left. I finally was able to get off the phone and I heard plastic rustling. I thought he might be climbing his closet and getting things down - or worse - taking all of his clothes off the hanger and throwing them in a heap. I went running to his room and passed the bathroom and saw him out of the corner of my eye.

There he was, digging through the cabinets, trying desperately to get the toilet paper out of its package. He had pooped in his pants, took those off by the toilet, and had apparently exhausted all of the wipes that were left on the counter. I was so proud of him. He gets it!

I got him some more toilet paper and after he finished wiping (well, we actually had to put him in the bathtub at this point) I high-fived him and he gave me a big smile.

Finally, my boy is understanding more and more.

From now on, I will have the toilet paper out of its package ready to go, and I will have plenty of wipes.

And I will honor his silent plea to get off the phone.

More Cowbell!

Lib and I were riding in the car today listening to a homemade CD of old songs. I cannot listen to Blue Oyster Cult without cracking up anymore. Anybody remember this? The great Christopher Walken, Will Farrell, and cast of Saturday Night Live. Watch Jimmy Fallon crack up.

Come Back to Me

Here is my sweet little boy before the vaccines took their toll on him. In fact, this is the only picture from that time around 2003 that I have from my computer that crashed a few weeks ago. Always remember to back up your photographs. I didn't and I lost over 1100 photos. Am I crazy? Yes I am. Absent-minded is more like it. This particular picture makes my heart ache. My son used to throw a ball. Here he is on our old playground in our old neighborhood running to the basketball court. He would stand under it and wait for me to lift him up so he could put the ball through the hoop. He could not get enough of watching the big kids play basketball and I had to hold him back from joining in their games! He had not been walking that long, I remember.

Well, this is what my biomedical recovery journey is all about. Chelation begins Friday for real. It is my hope to dump the lead and other metals out of his little body that has been there for so long, I can't think about it. I am unaware of what he has spilled over the years though just through natural chelation. We give him methyl-B12 shots in combination with N-acetyl-cysteine (NAC) and folic acid. I know that the NAC is a natural chelator of mercury. The fact that Lib is getting better is testament to all that we are doing. And if it's not due to the biomed treatments, well...at least what we are doing is not hindering him in any way, and for that I am so grateful.

My little boy still has that little sprite of a spirit, so innocent and joyful. I ache to hear his voice. Perhaps it will still happen. I still believe and I still have hope that he will come back to me.

New Blogs on the Block

My new friend L has two great relatively new blogs: Grey Street and Southern and GFCF. Grey Street is her blog about her journey through recovery with her lovely daughter Miss B. Please stop by and welcome her to our blogisphere. She has a lot to contribute to the autism community and is a rather cool person, too! She is looking for recommendations for books for her child to order for Christmas, as well, so if you can help, leave her a comment.

You know, we all have our personal hell we have been through with the diagnosis, before, during, and after, and need love and support. Often our familes can't provide that for whatever reason, and we rely on friends whether in cyberspace or in person. I am so grateful for my blogger friends with whom I have formed an on-line community.

L's recipe blog is one I have added to my cache of GFCF meals, because you can never have enough good-tasting gluten free and casein free foods. I'm always on the lookout and directing other parents to easy meals to make for their kids on the diet. And, being from the South, I am especially happy about this! Her cornbread chicken stuffing? You bet I will be trying that one.

This reminds me of long ago when my dad used to make really great bread, and one of his specialities was cornbread in a skillet using Martha White cornmeal. Always the character, at the end of all of his hand-written recipes for me, I remember he used to write "Loosen belt before eating."

Welcome L & Miss B!

The Art of Placement, or Thoughts on a Tuesday

Here is a fun blog I found when I was researching feng shui. Feng shui is a Chinese phrase meaning "wind and water," but, generally speaking, it is the art of placement. Elizabeth Chamberlin is a green interior designer and her blog, titled "The Upside of Downsizing" has a lot of nice videos on the site and tips for greening your environment along with using the ancient art of feng shui.

For most of my life, I have been what you could call a chronic furniture re-arranger. When people tease me about it or ask me why, all I can say is that the energy suddenly didn't feel right and I had to move things about. What I was probably feeling is what the Chinese call "chi" which is another word for life force. Karen Kingston is possibly the queen of feng shui. I have her book called Creating Sacred Space with Feng Shui. In the book, she teaches you how to do space clearing, which is basically clearing out old, stuck energy. Why do that? Clearing spaces and arranging objects in your home (and outside environment) actually can support you physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Did you know that the root word for clutter is "to clot?" I can really relate to this. I feel down when there is clutter everywhere, especially in closets and halls. I feel like I can't move forward, literally and metaphorically.

Yesterday I spent the entire morning in Liberty's room cleaning up his messes. He loves to take things apart and throw them over his shoulder in one giant pile. He reminds me of the rat Templeton in Charlotte's Web, if you remember him. I have watched him swipe a little jar of face cream or my toothbrush and run back in his room and throw it on the heap! He just loves to have a pile of some objects near him. And then he takes from the pile as he plays with things and throws it over his shoulder again, and the pile moves to the other side of the room.

So, yesterday, I was able to put things on shelves and some things in bins and hide them in his closet so he can only play with a few things at a time. (This summer was a free-for-all where I lost my control and he played with everything he owned all at once).

The difference in his room was astounding after I got through with it. Don't laugh but I had some beautiful quartz crystals from long ago that I buried in the earth about a week ago to cleanse and charge them. I put a new one in Lib's room on top of a shelf and prayed some prayers into it. Crystals amplify thought, so I thought, why not enhance this renewed energy in the room?

Lib came home and instead of being agitated that most of his things were gone, he played quietly in his room and started first with his jar of plastic dinosaurs and bugs. Then he moved happily to some playing cards and his matchbox cars which were in bins. You could tell he felt good. He smiled at me and hugged me. Wow, no whining or crying over missing toys!

I recently went to Elizabeth Chamberlain's site and watched some of her videos for the art of placement in various rooms of the house. For instance, she says, and this is well-known "fact" in feng shui, that you should always keep your toilet lid down and fix any leaking water faucets because it is symbolic of your money going down the drain (or toilet)! There is a feng shui grid that you can place over the outline of your house (referred to as the "bagua") that tells you what room falls in what category. For instance, it just so happens that our bedroom falls into the money part of the grid. I looked around and there were clothes stacked on the dressers, papers that had not been filed in the file cabinet, and generally, nothing was well-placed. So, I got rid of the clutter and in front of the mirror I put a nice jade plant (also known as a money plant). Mirrors are powerful magnifiers so I made sure that there was no clutter in front of the mirror, or bills. Don't want more of those. About three days later, I got two unexpected checks in the mail from our insurance company. They actually paid for chelation and some other drugs that I did not expect them to pay for at all! It was a nice unexpected $100!

Now, I don't know if it was due to all of the feng shui "fixes" that I did, but I do know that a ritual such as feng shui does help to anchor your intentions and focus your energy. It's no wonder that ritual is the biggest part of religious and spiritual practices all over the world. This is the main basis for all ritual.

At any rate, my main point is that environment does play a big part in our overall health. I have been told this repeatedly by Liberty's DAN doctors and practitioners. We do have computers and wireless in the house which is supposed to not be so good with all of the electromagnetic frequencies (EMFs) they emit that interfere with brainwaves. My recent DAN told me that watching too much TV or the computer screen could possibly trigger more seizures in my son. Hearing this only frustrates me more. We live in a world full of EMFs - our new technology's unwanted side-effect. Karen Kingston says to get an atomizer and fill it with water and lavender oil and spray down toward electronics and floor frequently, and that this will somehow help deflect these waves. I don't know if that is true or not, but I like the smell of lavender and I love that particular ritual, so I am definitely going to try it. And, I will also just limit how much time we have the computer and tv on around Lib. My doctor also told me that a cordless phone is awful to have in the house and that I should use just a regular plug-in phone.

I think it's nice to know that there are things that you can do around your home to not only make it a soft place to fall, but also to create a kind of sacred space that supports all who live there in mind, body and soul. I have always looked at life in terms of energy, so feng shui makes so much sense to me.

In my grid of my house, the "children" part of the house falls in the kitchen, where happily, I have the correct color scheme, according to the chart. I put a happy, smiling picture of my boy on the refrigerator there.

I have a hanging pot of flowering portulaca or moss rose hanging just outside of the office window and a hummingbird feeder beside it. No one had to tell me how to place these things. Just that placement alone has brought me so much joy. I have never had the pleasure of watching hummingbirds so close by. Sometimes they stop and look in the window. The ginger plants are blooming right beneath the feeders, so I know it must be a wonderful heady pit-stop for them.

I am interested in hearing your experiences with feng shui, if you have ever tried it, or do your own brand of the art of placement in your environment.

On a bigger scale, PBS is planning to air Ken Burns new series on the history of the National Parks. Can you imagine what life would have been like if we did not have these beautiful places exempt from building? It airs September 27. It took six years to make the film. You can go to the site and watch a trailer from the series. It looks fantastic!

Dolphin!

Look at this sweet baby...photo of a dolphin taken by Barrier Island Girl at our beach. Wow. She is one talented photographer who seems to always be at the right place at the right time! Had to share.

You Can Never Have Too Much Butter

...says Julia Child, and, who can argue with that?

I saw Julie and Julia this summer with my three sisters - the first time we had been together in many, many years.

The movie was lovely. I left the theater starving. Here is the movie trailer in case you have not seen it.

This movie along with my love of cooking made me want to know about all things Julia. She was actually a remarkable woman who had a very long and loving marriage. I remember well watching her on PBS in the seventies. PBS has brought back videos of Julia's French Chef episodes you can play on their site. It's lots of fun watching her.

Also, this episode from Saturday Night Live was actually in the movie. Dan Akroyd had us all saying, "save the liver!" in kitchens across America. It's as funny now as it was the first time I saw it in the 1970s. Unfortunately, you have to get through the advertisement. This is the only site that has the clip; but it's worth the short wait.

I Love You Pat Conroy

I am deep into Pat Conroy's new book, South of Broad, and, again, I am practically rendered speechless with each page. His writing is pure craft.

I do not know where he gets his ideas for his characters. They are always unforgettable. I have laughed out loud and cried in the same paragraph. Each chapter is perfection.

If you have never read Pat Conroy, go out at once and get yourself a copy of this magnificent book. I never thought he could top Prince of Tides or Beach Music, my absolute favorites in the world, but he may have proved me wrong.

Today, I appreciate the silence and peace of my home while Liberty is at school until after 3 PM and I am all alone with this delicious book.

Pure bliss!

Turtle Tracks

Check out this amazing photo on our beach of a female turtle's tracks from the sea to lay her eggs in a nest in the sand. I have never in my life seen them. photo by DJ Zemenick

A Nice Twist of Fate

It's been a long, long summer.

Yesterday, I trooped to my son's school in the 100% humidity to meet the teacher and drop off supplies, although there was no teacher to meet since my son's teacher quit right before school started. But, the aides were there and there was a packet for me to pick up.

The school is under construction in some parts; actually it's the old buildings that have been torn down so new ones can go up. The construction was supposed to be finished by the start of school but predictably, it's not. I don't even think they are near finishing which really makes getting in and out of the school difficult.

The parking is so limited, we were asked to park in the field across the street and take the tunnel under the road to get to the school. I knew that Lib walked that tunnel to get to the field for PE and other school events but I had never walked in it myself. Well, it's like a hot, sweaty bomb shelter. It's all plywood floor and peeling paint and dimly lit. Even spookier to think of the cars rushing over the top of our heads on the busy street above.

Liberty had his first meltdown of the summer in that tunnel and I felt like having one myself.

Eventually he calmed down and there was good news awaiting when we finally got to Lib's room. The aides told me that a teacher has been hired, but she is moving here from South Carolina, so Lib will have a substitute teacher for about a week and a half. What's more, they were excited to tell me that her credentials and experience were impressive, perfect for the class, according to them. I also learned that they hired a new PE teacher who happens to be a man, which is great for Lib. They said that PE should be really fun this year. There will be six children in Lib's class instead of four like last year, but the good news is three of them talk. It's still not a bad teacher child ratio when many classes for autism in the bigger city have 13 kids in them.

Next, I got a call from the bus driver and it turns out she is our bus driver from about two years ago we really loved. She is going to be picking up and dropping off: 7:40 and 3:17. Aahh, I feel a little relief coming...

And, I got even more good news yesterday. My sister (aka ace-in-the-hole) called the Center for Autism and Related Disabilities here in town and found out that someone will come to my home and help me do a picture schedule and other things tailored to Lib's needs specifically at home, and that person will further serve as a liaison between home and school to make sure the teacher is on the same page. Now, this floored me because I talked to someone from CARD at least 2-3 years ago, and all they could offer me was materials and supplies for me to make on my own.

It also turns out as well that my sister knows the person who will come to my house personally!

So...a nice turn of events after feeling miserable for the last two or so weeks. And, I knew that while things were falling apart they were probably falling together somewhere else. I know that things usually work out for the best, but I just wish I could be stoic about everything when things are going badly. I wish I could have more faith I guess. It's hard when I'm feeling sick and my back is out which ironically is precisely the time to have faith.

A work in progress, that I am.

Anyway, I feel the tide turning. It's good. I am so ready for school to start and I know Lib is, too. I will probably be out on our curb at 5:00 AM with my binoculars scanning the horizon for a speck of yellow, excitedly jumping up and down in my pajamas.

Oh, but I will miss him, too though. We are so joined at the hip my boy and I. My swim partner. My good little shopper. My sweet, loving child who loves nothing more than to ride in the car with Mom and listen to music.

Ah yes... but the taste of sweet freedom is already upon my tongue! I am so ready for a break.

And, I deserve it.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today marks 50 years that I have been on this planet.

My father sent me these flowers, although the picture does not do them justice.

It's a funny thing but in the weeks before I turned 50 years old today, I had a series of things happen:

1) I got laid off from my job for two months, and actually am still waiting to hear if I will be hired back in October.

2) I got really sick about a week ago and am just now getting over acute sinusitis and bronchitis.

3) I re-injured by back and have been hobbling around or lying around in the house going stir-crazy with a child who is bored beyond imagination.

4) My computer crashed and I lost everything, including over 1,000 pictures, my medical dictionary and the transcription shortcuts that were unique to my work (who knows how many thousand).

5) Liberty's beloved teacher quit. The one sure thing I kept saying I could count on for next year. He might even start school with a subsitute this year. I'm hoping for the best, but it was a blow.

I feel a re-working of my life taking place, like the slate being wiped clean so I can begin again. I'm turning my thoughts to perhaps doing something else now for a living, but what exactly has not yet revealed itself to me.

On another note, one of my birthday presents was Pat Conroy's new book, South of Broad, which I am relishing in a way that only Pat Conroy groupies can. He is my favorite author on this earth and he has not disappointed with this new novel.

Today, I am keeping focused on gratitude for my family and friends, the health I still have, the roof over my head and food on the table. I'm reframing my opinion of my age spots into just friendly freckles that are reminders of all of the wisdom I have gleaned from living. The hint of gray beneath my highlights I am referring to as glitter. And the wrinkles, laugh lines which remind me of all of the occasions I have had to smile (not frown).

I could talk about how Liberty's illness has made my face careworn. Or how exhausted I have been and, therefore, aged before my time. But, suddenly, I don't feel that way anymore. It's been a very long road with my son, and probably a lot more ahead. Instead of sadness, now I feel a kind of satisfaction that I have put forth all of my efforts and energy into helping this child feel better and do better in the world. What cause could be more worthwhile than that? Instead of keeping me from some unfulfilled destiny in life, I see that he was and always has been my destiny. Taking care of him and raising him is part of the ultimate "plan."

So, today, as I turn 50, I am not bemoaning my fate as I thought I might. Instead I am celebrating what is and, even though "what is" others might view as tragic, Life, for me, is still pretty damned good.

Picture This

I'm swimming lazily on my back in the pool. There is no one else in it but me and my son and he is on the other side practicing bouncing on his toes in the 3 1/2 feet section. The cumulus clouds are blinding white against the intense azure of the sky, framed in my view by the tall pines and oaks that surround the pool. The only sounds are the drone of the cicadas and a family of squirrels scampering through the trees. Dragonflies occasionally swoop down for a drink or to light on my toes. I stop swimming and look across the pool at my son who is happily doing the breastroke all on his own. He has a big smile on his face as he blows water through the space in his teeth in one big stream. He is my little otter. "Having fun?," I ask as I get out and towel off . I spray sunscreen all over my body and set the lounge chair to the reclined position and relax, a word that has been foreign to me until now.

I see we have been swimming for 2 hours. Lib had his last swim lesson of the summer this morning, in which he learned to go in the deep end to swim, and to jump from the side. A sudden and loud crack of rumbling thunder causes me to jump. I look up and see the clouds have morphed into huge billowing towers of puffy white thunderheads. I like to imagine as I look at them that I can actually hear them blow up, like the swoosh of hot air balloons. We are heading toward out traditional late summer afternoon of thundershowers and I am in love with the day. August is my birth month and it is special to me not only because it is my father's birth month, too, but August is the time for hummingbirds sipping at the feeders, the change of light that turns into liquid gold in the afternoon, and the spectacular tapestry of mixed sun and clouds.

This summer has been my first taste of freedom in seven years. The fact that Liberty can now swim on his own, and that we have something we can share together that is beneficial to both of us is a miracle. I have gotten much needed exercise. He has developed muscle tone and confidence. I can't remember the last time I spent so much time in a pool - maybe not since I was a child myself. It's been so much fun.

There has been an unexpected and welcome benefit as well: Lib is starting to say words. Even two-word phrases slip out now and again. The other day, after a long day with my family, I told him we were going to pack up and go. He said, "Well, good!"

We are starting chelation soon. I know I have said it before, but we had to start over again. The diet- cleaner. The bowels - moving. The supplements - tweaked. All food cooked from scratch. Exhausting, but moving ever toward better health and Lib's current state I feel is testament to all of the hard work we have done. Now, the metals we will address soon and see what happens.

In the meantime, my dear friend Michelle, sent me this wonderful article today that has inspired new hope in me. It is written by Wendy Fournier, president of the National Autism Association. Her daughter Aly has been non-verbal since her vaccinations. But...she began speaking at the age of nine! There is a video you can watch of Aly verbally identifying all of the letters of the alphabet.

You can read about Aly and watch it over here.

Hope. It's what I'm all about these days.

Here is a link to a blog of a photographer who takes the most stunning pictures of our area that I have ever seen. She also volunteers to help our sea turtles nest and help the hatchlings safely to the sea. Check our Barrier Island Girl for some beautiful pictures.



And, here's my beautiful boy taking his first bubble bath. We ran out of regular bubbles that I sometimes blow when he takes a bath. Spying the empty bottle, he went and got a lavender scented bath and shower gel of mine, looked at me and then at the bath and got in. I had no idea that he knew it would make bubbles. Smart kid. He is so "in there."

In case you are the last to see the most watched video

Gotta love free spirits...

Recognizing the Teacher

My sister took this wonderful photo of Liberty on his first day of swim lessons. The attention he gave to Robin, his swim teacher, was phenomenal. She is certainly an important part of his journey. Isn't it an awesome picture?

What We've Been Up To

My precious boy turned 7. The family helped us get him his own laptop he can use in school. It was an incredible deal at Best Buy, too.

He likes to eat out at buffet restaurants and look at all of the people and the food under the lamps.

Here is Lib getting a drum lesson from Dad. His father taught a music workshop for all of the kids at the camp this summer. He had his band out there, who happily volunteered their time to sing and play for the kids. Then, the children had an opportunity to play with all of the instuments: Drums, saxaphone, bass, guitar, and singing into the microphone. The kids and adults loved it!

Lib and his swim teacher, Robin getting a lesson. This is the child who could not tread water and refused to put even his ears in the water who is now swimming on his own! He had 2 weeks of 30 minute lessons and after that, he just took off. The swimming, I have to say, is probably the best therapy Lib has ever had. He has confidence and it has done something neurologically. He was more vocal and present after each swim session. Robin came to our Dad's pool to teach him. She and her husband have a swim team for special needs kids she said that Lib can join as soon as he is swimming well! Look at those little dolphin flipper feet. I could not be prouder of him.

Also, we took him to see his first movie ever at the movie theater on his birthday: Up! He loved it. Aside from two potty breaks, Lib sat through the whole movie. He's really growing up.

Other things: Doing well with our new doc's recommendations. Chelation is a'coming in about a week and we've had lots of conversations about that. AND, the seizures...the absence seizures have returned and we are currently in discussion about that, optimizing his nutrients. There is a mystery here. I thought it was casein that was causing seizures and I removed it about a year ago. The seizures returned at some point and I have to cull back through my notes to see if there is a correlation with any supplement or not.

But, Lib is eating very, very well. He is currently in a growth spurt, so I am hoping we can start getting the lead and mercury and other metals out soon. He has increased his receptive language, we are using pictures and sign, and he is vocalizing more. Still, speech is elusive.

We are going forward at least and Lib is having a fun summer.

Thanks so much for all of your kind emails checking up on me. We have had some ongoing medical issues in the family, and that is one of the main reasons for my absence on the blog but for now all is well.

For all of the folks who have asked me if it's the vaccines...

Scenes from a Gulf Coast Morning

The Big Blue

Treasures from the day, the bounty!

Remnants of a sand castle.

I have not seen the ocean like this in years. Calm and serene, brilliant blue and green and aqua and clear. The pictures do not capture the beauty. Watched a pod of dolphins and two schools of rays go sliding by.

Liberty had a ball playing in the crystal clear water.

The beach is never the same each time you go. It's what we love about it, and it always makes you feel great. Going early morning helps start the day off right. We understand how very fortunate we are to live here, to float in the amniotic waters of our Mother Ocean.

Mom's animal crackers taste good after a swim.

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Absolutely nothing to do with autism

Just A Good Old Song

A summery day

This dragonfly's face looks very Disney-esque... especially when you enlarge the picture...click on it!

Ready for take-off!

Water hyacinths on our pond.

Clouds

My family is undergoing some trying times with some medical issues. Keep us in your prayers and I will be back soon. Liberty is thriving, that is the bright spot.

In the meantime, my sister is writing beautifully, as usual at her blog. I need the healing transmutation of the ocean. I will try and go there soon this week. There are only two weeks of Lib's school left and only four days of each one, then it's suddenly summer.

Full Circle

Years ago when I lived in Virginia, I was privileged to study massage at the Cayce-Reilly School of Massage in Virginia Beach. If you are not familiar with Edgar Cayce, he was a clairvoyant man born in 1877, whose medical readings are all transcribed and cataloged in a library dedicated to him, called The Association for Research and Enlightenment in Virginia Beach. It is a wondrous place. You can read more about Cayce and his abilities and legacy here. There are some marvelous books on the man: There is a River and The Sleeping Prophet are two popular titles, but there are scads of books on the various teachings of Edgar Cayce.

I studied Cayce's remedies for years. I used many of his preparations. Back then I did not know anything about autism, and since I never had reason to, I never looked it up.

Today, as I was doing a Google search on some of Liberty's symptoms, I saw a reference to Cayce and autism. What I found was striking: In many of his readings for children with autism, Cayce recommended the removal of wheat. He also acknowledged the gastrointestinal component of autism, including recommending his famous castor oil packs to the abdomen. He told people that children who were exhibiting behaviors that we now know as "stims" could not help it, that there was a purpose for the movements and for the parents not to try and stop the stims. He talked a lot about the central nervous system's role in the syndrome. In many cases, he prescribed osteopathic adjustments to relieve pressure (inflammation!).

In other words, he was far ahead of his time.

I found it more than coincidental that I found this now, as I am getting ready to try craniosacral therapy for Lib. It was recommended to us by Carol Ritberger, a renowned medical intuitive. I will let you know how that all pans out.

But, isn't it interesting, that all of the components of autism that are known now and that were largely unknown to the majority of medical doctors way back then in the 1930s, were all spelled out pretty clearly in countless readings by this uneducated country man from Kentucky who accidentally could channel Higher Guidance? His story is an amazing one.

Who knew that when I was sitting in meditation 20 years ago, way up on the third floor in Cayce's Meditation Room, where you could see the Atlantic Ocean through gauzy pink and purple curtains, that I would be returning to his readings, searching for more clues about my own son's condition?

I dreamed of Liberty back then. There was always this little boy that would appear randomly in my dreams, and I knew that he would be significant in some way or another. I always knew he would come. That's why when I was pregnant, I knew instantly that I was to have a boy.

Thinking of this now helps me feel that all is connected. That nothing is random. Instead of handed out cliche's about how everything happens for a reason that is meant to comfort - often those statements make me feel emptier - just something that is meant to pacify my pain at the time - when I can remember my experiences like this one, that reveal my own unique connection - ah, that is what I need to hold on to. Then that statement rings true.

No order of difficulties in miracles

Well, the dreaded IEP meeting turned out to be the best yet! Each year, I begin to get knots in my stomach as the day approaches that I have to go to Lib's school, get a visitor's pass and trek down the long and winding hallways to the meeting room, where I have to listen to teachers and therapists report on my son, and it's usually about how they can't find anything to motivate him, how he is inconsistent in his responses, or he is not picking up signs, etc. Usually, I come away depressed for a day at least and have to come home and process all of the new tasks I am to put into place. Process. Adjust. Assimilate. Move on.

This time, it was different. Everyone around that round table sung my son's praises. I barely had to say anything. My son's teacher had everything written out almost verbatim as to what I told her I wanted to see happen from this point on. For the first time since Libby was tiny, we all agreed to ditch the signs he never took to anyway, and employ all methods of working with pictures. We came up with all kinds of great ideas. And, I was thanked for all I do for my son! In addition, everything I want for him was already spelled out in detail in some beautifully written goals by his teacher.

It was so enjoyable for me and my sister to sit back and hear about all of the wonderful things my son is doing. I especially loved it when the OT would smile and say, "and he wasn't even doing that last year!" And, also the speech therapist put aside her usual sparring energy and was so positive about all of the things Lib is beginning to do. I kept saying,"Oh, I didn't know that!" And I'd get smiles all around. Wow.

Lib is responding to pictures and has said a few words. He is becoming even more social and engagable. He is now getting very interested in books and...drum roll here...the spoken word, like having stories read to him! And, here comes autism camp this summer where he will have a teacher to do one-on-one with him for 6 weeks from 9 to 3, four days a week.

I think this has all happened too because, first of all, Liberty has a fantastic teacher. She is BCBA certified and she has lots of years of experience. She loves what she does. She has a routine in place for my child that has yielded almost miraculous results. And, most importantly, she and I talk every day. We have the communication sheet sent home that tells about his day, but she is accessible by phone and email, and we keep in very close touch about what we are each doing so we are on the same page.

Also, nothing that Lib does is a "little" thing in our world. If Lib ate apples, then I get an email in capital letters or a phone call. The day he waved hi to her and hung up his backpack, I got an excited phone call from her. The day he followed verbal commands, used the potty, imitated a gesture, etc. - all of these things are milestones for Lib.

If anything, Liberty has taught me to take nothing for granted. We celebrate the so-called small things. Raising him has caused me to appreciate more and more of my world. It's so true that you don't know what you have until it's gone or altered in some way. The fact that appreciation is more of a reflexive reaction for me now than cynicism is miraculous.

My little boy is such a trooper. And, here he is: Eating well, toileting himself, wanting to play with other kids, initiating games with us...being in the world. In some ways, I just think it is taking him longer to grow up. The speech is obviously concerning, but everything that is considered pre-speech is in place now. And, we have a great doctor. In just 2 short weeks, Liberty has changed his diet and learned to eat 5 different fruits, fill his cheeks with chicken nuggets, and a variety of other foods I have managed to make gluten/casein/MSG/yeast and sugar free! Miraculous! The quality of his food has increased. I joke about how I just put food in his lunch box and send it to school and the teacher miraculously gets him to eat it, and then I can't wait until the lunch box comes back empty and then I just sit and smile.

I had felt so bad about this last year as being his "lost" year, i.e....screwing around with the doctor in NY and the phone appointments and having to start all over again with another doctor, the fact that no one would listen to me at the IEP last year when I said we needed to add in pictures. It took an entire year for the school folks to figure out that Lib doesn't take to signs and it took me a whole year to ditch a doctor who was not helping us and charging us a fortune.

BUT, I realize that the year was not really "lost." Lib obviously advanced a lot with this teacher he had, and somehow we found our new DAN doctor who wasn't even here a year ago. It's only my perception of the year being lost, of wasting time that colors everything. What do I know? Perhaps there are many changes going on all of the time that I just don't see, and would take for granted if Liberty had not received his diagnosis of ASD.

I feel good today that we are least moving in the right direction, that my little boy has what he needs and then some! His teacher is going to be coming to our house one day a week (camp is only 4 days a week) for two hours and working with him and pictures this summer.

I just could not ask for more. There truly is magic afoot!

A lovely piece written by my sister...

A Walk in the Clouds

On Santa Rosa Island, a barrier island on the Gulf of Mexico, a cloud being has come to rest upon the sea and sand. I walk out into it where no other human being appears— perhaps they are wrapped as I am in the soft embrace of a heavenly presence. A gull beats forward from its midst without a sound. The coming cerulean waves arise and dissipate from it.

On the shore line where shells and sea lettuce gather, a translucent blue jellyfish shimmers with the breeze, edged in pale pink diamonds. It is mute. The sky is mute. I am mute. The white cloud being has silenced us all. Where sand, sea, and sky blend my feet are invisible and the prints they make unreadable. I am suspended in the cloud with the sea and its creatures and the land and its inhabitants. We are being lifted out of time and place…suspended with only the waves witness to our revelation.

I walk in the cloud, I walk. Then suddenly at a place where a plain of crystal white sand opens and is illuminated by a fine silver light, I fall to my knees in utter gratitude and sob for the sheer joy of being alive on Earth.

Sea Oats

My sister, a talented photographer, took this picture I am particularly in love with at our beach. Thought I'd share it with you. It just catches the fragility of the morning to me.

Further Along the Road

Lib and I are just recovering from a bout of bronchitis or I would have posted earlier about our meeting with our new doctor for the results of all of the lab tests. If you recall, we basically are starting all over again. Our new doctor is a neurologist and a DAN doctor. I was hoping by our second meeting I would still like him and guess what? I really do! He is a God-send to say the least.

He spent over an hour with me going over test results, handing me copies for me to keep, and only charged me for about a 20 minute visit. The old doctor in NY? Would have charged 4 times as much for 20 minutes and we'd still be in the same old place doing the same old thing.

First, the results of the stool tests showed that Lib has a Pseudomonas bacterial infection. He is on garlic extract for that. That stuff is powerful, if you've never tried it.

Second, he had absolutely no Lactobacillus, the good bacteria, growing in his gut. He had two strains of other non-pathogenic bacteria, but the lack of Lactobacillus blew my mind because I have been faithfully giving a probiotic twice a day that is loaded with Lactobacillus. I was stunned. How did this happen?

I showed NEW DOC the $50 bottle of NuFerm that our OLD DOC put us on that was supposed to be so fabulous. He looked at it and just said, "No." He prescribed a different probiotic twice a day on an empty stomach, added in a Saccharomyces boulardii, (actually a friendly non-pathogenic yeast) twice a day in non-chilled water, and added FOS powder, which basically is food for the good bacteria to make them stay in the gut. He prescribed Diflucan for 15 days at a much lower dose than the one that the former doc put us on last year when we went through so much hell with die-off. Do you remember Lib being on Diflucan for five months in preparation for a trial of Valtrex? Crazy. I see it all now as CRAZY.

Guess what? No OAT (organic acids test) was ever done. God, I'm learning the hard way at the expense of my precious child.

This yeast Lib has I am convinced got kicked up because the former doc did not bother to do labs before giving us a strong dose of DMSA chelation suppositories( I asked for half the dose, thank God) nor did he give us proper probiotics to help the good bugs stick around. He simply told me to double up on the probiotic. For this, we paid how much money for how long?? To say that I was put out about this is the understatement of the year. Here we are having to start all over again. That was too much money and too much hell to be put through to have to start all over again. I need to write a letter to him telling him exactly how I feel. By the way, I cancelled an appointment with OLD DOC because I could not afford $300 and it was after I saw the NEW DOC. Guess when the next appointment for Lib would have been? J U L Y. That's right. And this child, they knew, was undergoing chelation.

Lib also had very little enzymes in his gut to digest his food, so we added some new enzymes, a different brand that is targeted to exactly what Lib needs according to the labs and not just the standard Kirkman DDP-IV with Isogest. He was on that, although sporadically.

If the other doc in NY would have spent more time with me, maybe if I had had labs where I could actually see what was going on with my child and understood it better, I would have been more vigilant with enzymes with every meal. I also was never told the proper way to give the enzymes and probiotics (enzymes with every meal, probiotics in between meals with unchilled water - important). The doc in NY would prescribe something, jot it down, then hand me off to the nurse so quickly it would make your head spin, and suddenly, you're talking to the Nutrient Room where they are packing up a box to ship to you. The Nutrient Room? I remember them telling me to just take everything at once and dump it in some liquid to give to Lib. This is something you should never, ever do.

So much fell through the cracks in Lib's treatment. So many people who I thought were experts, were not.

So, NEW DOC said, the gut must be cleaned up, that it is the foundation of every other treatment we will ever do. Get the bowels moving to remove toxins. No hyperbaric chamber treatment and no chelation until the gut is in balance. Period.

So, in addition to the probiotics and enzymes, the diet had to be cleaned up, too. I was so proud of how far we had come, and still am, but had to do even more so in addition to our two-year stint of being gluten- and casein-free and our one-month period of being MSG-free. So, in the course of one-week's time, we are now soy-free, yeast-free, and sugar-free with the exception of a little agave syrup in a cracker which is eaten less frequently or not all.

I threw out the pretzels for good. All of the Enjoy Life snack bars and cookies had evaporated cane juice, so they had to go. I baked brownies with Xylitol which are wonderful, only in case we have to have a treat. I threw out the apple juice I was using to mix supplements with. I made a batch of Xylitol-sweetened water to use instead.

Xylitol is great. It has some laxative properties to it in larger quantities, it is an antibacterial, and you can substitute it 1:1 for sugar. There is no unpleasant aftertaste. It is purported to kill Candida yeast, too, but I am unsure if this is true or not. The only drawback? The expense. $14 for a 2.5 pound bag.

I think I could teach Gut Health 101 at the junior college now.

The organic acid tests showed high yeast, high oxalates, low vitamin C, and anemia. We are having iron studies done right now. And of course, that low Vitamin D which was practically rickets. And we live in the Sunshine State. That ought to tell you right there, that you cannot get enough Vitamin D in your food or from the sun. There are some people who are positing that autism is caused by Vitamin D deficiency and that Vitamin D deficiency is an epidemic in itself. Did I forget to say that Vitamin D prevents seizures? And, that since being on the Vitamin D I have not seen the absence seizures? Can it really be this simple?

NEW DOC prescribed some new MB12 shots: Methyl-B12 + NAC + folic acid. I am unsure if this is Dr. Neubrander's original cocktail or not (Neubrander is the one who came up with the MB12 protocol). The NAC (N-Acetyl-Cysteine) I am excited about as the organic acid test results said that Lib could benefit from NAC. NAC removes mercury. I am waiting until tomorrow in case there are side-effects, he can hang out at home. You just never know how a child will react to anything.

NEW DOC said he could not give guarantees but he thinks if we get the gut balanced and the lead out, Lib will start talking. I can always hope for that. He wants to talk so badly. I understand...it could be too late. I try not to go there.

So far, so good. Lib is a little trooper. For all we do to him, for all he has been through, he has the sweetest nature of any human being I have ever known.

We only had a brief few-second screaming fit of die-off after starting the Diflucan and the diet, for which I immediately gave some charcoal and now everything is coming along beautifully. I am getting better eye contact and Lib is eating what I am sending to school and what I put out at home. He tries different food more readily. The tactile defensiveness has lessened. I am getting lots of positive comments from everyone.

This will take time to straighten out. TIME. One and a half years ago I started on this path and I thought I had traveled to the right doctor. I could sit and cry over that, but as NEW DOC says, the past is the past, there is nothing you can do about it now except go forward. There will always be that little niggling "what if" in the back of my brain..."what if" I wasted my son's precious time? I didn't waste it, OLD DOC did. And he is rich and famous.

Bottom line is, don't think that just because a doctor writes a best-selling book and is suddenly on the talk show circuit, that this man is the right doctor for you. What happens is, after the doctor "goes Hollywood," the practice goes into crisis. There are then too many patients, not enough staff, not enough time for the doctor to review the records, remember who your child is, and prescribe a protocol tailored to your child. I have learned the hard way. All DAN doctors are not created equal, and just because someone gets published does not mean they are good. Jerry Kartzinel, now famously known as Jenny McCarthy's doctor, said he would turn no child away. No, but that child will probably be waiting three years or more to get in to see him now.

This is probably the hardest part of all, finding a doctor who can serve as a skilled guide to help navigate through this forest of symptoms and treatments. And, finding one who is local or at least nearby where he can actually put his eyes on your child. Remember, NEW DOC took one look at Lib and said, "classic inflammation." He was the one who knew what tests to order, where to begin looking.

This is a long post and I am sure many get tired of reading and give up. I publish details because I get emails from people who ask lots of questions about protocols. I did not want to publish doctor's names too much on this site because the last thing I need is someone suing me for slander. But, I'm not going to keep silent about it either. My husband is completely furious at the old doc. Feels we screwed around for one and a half years.

To end on a more positive note, Lib got into autism camp this summer. His dad is doing the music workshop for the kids so that should be a lot of fun. We have found this wonderful doctor. And, my beloved sister has moved back home to stay! I intend to have a fun summer, spending much time in the pool and at my healing ocean waters and doing all I can to help my little boy mend.

What else can I do?

Happy Earth Day

I took this picture in our back yard yesterday after it rained. Rainbows always give me hope. I have lots to tell in the coming days since we had the follow-up visit to the new DAN/neurologist on Monday. I am still processing it all.

Wish I sounded this way in the shower....

I was looking for John Hiatt videos and realized she was his backup singer for years with the Goners.

Progress

...or...what my kid ate for lunch today:

-Applesauce.
-A sunflower seed crunchy breakfast bar.
-Spaghetti made with turkey meatballs and carrots.
-Chicken nuggets cooked in homemade Italian breadcrumbs.
-Cut up pieces of apple.
-Fritos.
-Bunny Crackers I make.
-Bacon.
-Two bites of strawberries (a first).
-Some pretzels.

I remember when it was just crackers.

I, of course, worship the ground his teacher walks on. Without her, I wonder if any of this would be possible. ABA does work. She just became fully certified this year, so Lib is pretty much getting ABA or Verbal Behavior all year long. We have really been blessed this year.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

As a side note, I am loving Spring today. For some reason, my feeders are attracting a wide assortment of birds. I saw this right outside my window this morning:

These are Indigo Buntings and the one below is a Blue Grosbeak. These were taken through my office window, hence the screen.

Isn't it gorgeous? That's a little orange and yellow on the wings, the rest is sapphire blue.

Need Some Ideas, Anybody?

My talented husband is going to be creating something, I am sworn to silence about that at the moment, but he is trying to come up with a dedication for this thing, and wants it to be a kind of slogan regarding autism. We don't want it to be anything that uses fighting words, like, well "Fight Autism."

To me, when I think about what I want as a parent of a child with autism (let's be clear - with the new disorder that is labeled as autism), what I want is for the government to recognize this as the epidemic that it is (now 1 in 38 boys in England, probably more than 1 in 50 here), that something needs to be done immediately (yesterday), and for the research to be funded so we can end all of the speculating.

So, let's see I want recognition of this epidimic that is bigger than AIDS, recognition of the daily emotional and financial struggles families are going through, insurance to pay for autism treatment, government-funded research to find out why this epidemic is occurring, and HELP for families and children.

For instance, it's just not right that some states give families so much support in the form of respite care and ABA therapy in the home while other states such as ours give NOTHING except some in-home therapy until 3 years of age. The waiting list for Florida for any kind of assistance (respite care, ABA therapy, speech, OT, PT) through the Agency for Persons with Disabilities for us is now 2012. We've been on the list for three years already. So Liberty might get some services covered by the time he is 10 years old. I met a woman at an Easter egg hunt this past weekend who works for the state in the disabilities department and she said to me that I was lucky to have even gotten on the list. Meanwhile, I have a friend in Long Island who says that the state requires children with a diagnosis of autism to have ABA in the home and respite care to cover all holidays. She has people trooping in and out of her home all week long - SUPPORT. Same for folks in Pennsylvania.

Every state should have it.

If anybody can give me any input for ideas for a slogan, would you drop it my way? I want to say "help us help our kids," "give autism a voice - fund the research"...etc. Well, NOT that, but something that conveys these ideas. I don't want things like 'fight autism', 'stamp out autism.' I do like 'end autism' somehow.

And, no I am not someone who thinks autism is this beautiful mutation. I believe that our children are beautiful people, and the kids who can speak, I love what they say. Most of them seem to be so advanced in their thinking for such young ages. BUT, I KNOW now that this thing we are calling autism is a medical condition. We have dirtied up our world and there are toxins everywhere. The kids are showing us we need to change our behavior as a planet.

If you know you have a medical condition, you find out as much as you can about it and you treat it. If by treating my son, do I mean I am not accepting him? No. I accept my son as he is today. My son cannot speak. If he hurts, it hurts me. If his stomach is killing him and he can't tell me, it hurts me. If his brain is on fire and he is screaming, it kills me that I can't help him. My baby has been sick a long, long time and he is just now recovering but not because we just took him to the doctor and they knew what to do. It has been a road I don't want other parents to have to traverse.

I don't want to live in an underground society anymore. I guess I wish Barack and Michelle would take it up as their special project to help get autism research underway, to really green the vaccines, to somehow get everyone together on this and end the divided camps who rip each other apart.

Anyway, I digressed, but I know there will be those who accuse me of not accepting my son.

There are probably lots of metaphors to work with to come up with a slogan. I'll be thinking about it. Let me know if you think of something. And, thanks.

Have beach bag, will travel

Our appointment with our DAN got moved to next Monday due to an emergency he had. It's fine since yesterday, it rained cats and dogs all day and I would have hated slogging through the rain to get to the office.

In the meantime, Liberty has had so much fun over at the beach, that, even though it's still a bit cool and the weather has been windy, as soon as I tell him we need to go somewhere, he runs and gets the beach bag. He is so cute. He slings this giant bag's handle over his shoulder, dragging it on the ground, with a wide ear to ear grin on his face. He even goes and gets my keys for me.

This makes me happy because the beach is such a sensory playground. Just walking on the sand covers all of the acupuncture sites on your feet. You get a thorough massage. That, coupled with the healing qualities of the ocean water and air, it really is a therapeutic experience.

So, guess I better gear up and gas up for the weekends. The ole' Slip N Slide days just don't cut it anymore.

Oh, and did I tell you that Liberty's favorite music these days is Herb Alpert and the Tiajuana Brass? The old, old 1969 CD with the woman covered in whip cream? Yeah, that one. My life has a soundtrack to it. I find myself humming a tune and realize it's A Taste of Honey, or that theme from The Dating Game. Jeez. I love Herb and all, but, you know. I've got to get him interested in something else.

Funny, the sound of the wind or the brakes on the bus hurts his ears, but loud French horns and trumpets, no problem!

Enjoy the Ride on this Trip Around the Sun

The video below is one of my favorite songs. It's not always easy to remember or to actually enjoy the ride of life. Some times are much more difficult than others. Still, in the end, I am so grateful for what I do have and all that is going on. My father is out of rehab, back in his home and doing great! I am so grateful for that. He's such a strong person. A cool person. A really good person, my Dad. I hope I have the resilience he has as I age. My dear sister in North Carolina is coming home for a short stay in May - my beach partner - a true lover of Nature. My sister Barb was down when Dad first came home and I spent almost every day with she and my Dad at his home, and that was such precious time to me, as we always have some good belly laughs. She is hilariously funny. My oldest sister Bev lives here and doing lots of things for my father. She and I have the same tastes in movies and books and since she worked in the school system in Learning Disabilities, need I say that she is the one I take to every IEP? She is the one who helps me with the ins and outs of the school system for special needs kids. I love all of my sisters dearly. My son is doing so well, in spite of lack of speech, I think his body is finally normalizing. He's eating like a real boy!! We have a doctor who is going to help figure out what's going on. I just know it. I cherish that kid. He has a grandmother who loves him to no end and watches videos and laughs with him. He has a grandfather who adores him. And my husband is the greatest father to him. Liberty goes to the garage to see if he has come home yet each day. I love my job. I would not trade it for the world. I might not look or feel the greatest about myself anymore - I've gone and lost my looks - really been pulled through the knothole with autism and all of its grief and desperation. But, I've emerged stronger. I'm still standing! I'll get my damn roots dyed one of these days.

Easter...marks the 21st anniversary of when I first learned to meditate, in Virginia, and the first time I touched my Spirit so deeply, I was changed forever. That could be an entire book that I might attempt to write someday.

In the meantime, this Easter, the season of renewal, and hope and resurrection and rebirth...I will burn my beloved sister's pink candles she bought for me, and bask in their light, and have a day where I cherish all of my life in all of its ups and downs and joys and hardships. What is that last line in Desiderata, my mother's favorite poem? "With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."

Yeah, I think so. Try and enjoy your trips around the sun.

Monday, Monday

Got all of the tests results back and an appointment has been scheduled for Monday morning with the new DAN!! I am so excited. I am looking forward to seeing the test results and hopefully connecting some dots.

In the meantime, Liberty is doing so well. Just in the last few weeks, he has begun to go to the potty by himself at home, at school, wherever we are. There are still some accidents, but 99% of the time, he is going independently. His receptive language has increased by leaps and bounds. He understands vocal commands like never before. He dresses himself fully, still has trouble with snaps, but he tries. Shoes and socks are no problem. Waves hi and bye appropriately.

And the eating...he ate cut up apples at school today. Some Fritos. Some ketchup on those gluten free fries. He is eating twice the amount he used to eat. Spaghetti sauce that I have snuck broccoli and carrots into, his pot roast and chili. Now eating some chicken nuggets I make with my homemade breadcrumbs. Applesauce. Any gluten free cereal bars and cookies I give him. All of that is great. The apples blew my mind. I am suddenly in recipe mode. Everything I send to school, he seems to eat, so I need new stuff to try! Maybe I should get really crazy and try a sandwich?

I keep reminding my self this is a child who ate nothing but graham crackers after his vaccinations.

Lib has also gotten the hang of using a mouse on the computer. He positions his hand properly with finger ready to point and click. Moves the cursor around, points, needs help to click. He has learned to do this by choosing clips on Playhouse Disney.

His eyes must be tracking well. Never used to. I watched him chase a fly and catch it!

By the time IEP rolls around in May, the teacher said Lib will have met all of his goals for the year. Last year was a completely different story.

It's like he made a leap overnight.

We will see what Monday brings. I am going prepared with questions and records and everything I can think of to help our doctor help Liberty.

In the meantime, we're going to go catch some good vibes at the beach.

Have a wonderful Easter weekend.