HAPPY NEW YEAR and Good Luck with Your Resolutions!

Thoughts on the Day After

A few days after some mild chelation of lead (hopefully), Liberty gets up today after a nap, walks into the kitchen and says, "Eat."

Smiling, I think, are my dreams coming true or am I dreaming?

I am dazed and confused in the aftermath of Christmas, after all of the hustle and bustle and running around and checking off lists and thinking too much. We are lazing around the house, eating a little of this and that of the leftovers, punctuated by too much fudge, watching mindless TV shows and not complaining; our usual routine way off, not caring when we snooze and when we get up.

It's bliss, this lounging. I'm not used to it. Liberty was completely into Christmas, so hyper he could not sleep, wanted to do nothing but sit around the tree with his new stuff and talk to himself in the usual Liberty chatter we are used to now. He cried when the family left, so much so he would not get out of my sister's car. He waved bye-bye crying. This used to be the kid who didn't care or at least did not notice who came and went.

This is big stuff. Liberty is coming back to us. Slowly, he is changing.

We are perched at the edge of a new year drifting in the ocean of potential realities, rich with possibilities and hope.

A time for dreaming.

Merry Christmas from the Gulf Coast

Photo by Susan Feathers

Thanks Pip and Pop

Liberty has really taken an interest in the Disney Channel's Bear in the Big Blue House. It's unfortunate that it was taken off the air. But, we have a DVD of Bear with the theme of making music. There is an episode where the characters (Jim Henson muppets), Pip and Pop, "two rockin' otters" use pots and pans as musical instruments. The other night Liberty was watching and he ran past me into the kitchen. I watched him run past me again carrying a bunch of pot lids! It was so precious. He is finally making connections.

I have gotten nothing but glowing reports about his behavior and participation in class for weeks now. He even did well on the last break, as far as getting right back into the classroom structure after Thanksgiving. This time, we have two weeks off instead of one. I hope I can keep him busy and engaged during that time, and keep from losing my mind at the same time.

At school, where the structure is rigid, he eats almost everything I send to school and participates in games and initiates activities. (He got the mats out for circle time for the teacher and signed that is what he wanted!) These are all things he would not do last year at all.

But, when he comes home, he will not do a thing for me. He just wants to "hang out" and play with the 5,000 crayons and Mister Potato Head parts he places in a huge pile in his room. Even when I have tried to structure him like school, he resists. I used to feel bad about it, like he did not like being home, or he is not having as much fun at home like he does at school.

But, then I thought about it. His behavior makes sense. If you had ABA all day from 8:00 to 2:30, wouldn't you want to come home, put on comfortable clothes and do nothing but hang out?

Along the lines of cheering myself up...

I watch Elf every year now, specifically to hear Zooey Deschanel sing this song:




and this is probably my favorite scene, don't you love the music??:

Smile, Smile, Smile

I got a real lift from my friend Michelle's blog this morning. You must click over and watch a 16 minute video that will really lift your spirits. She is just one of those light-filled people I am so glad to know.

I especially loved this video because according to Abraham, the way to improve any situation is to find things to appreciate. As you focus your attention on appreciation, you begin to feel better. And when you feel good, things in your life get better. Abraham would call this coming into vibrational alignment with who you really are.

I have thought a lot about this lately. With the economy such as it is, it can be very easy to get down in the dumps; especially when you watch TV and allow the talking heads to report it over and over again. The more you talk about how bad a situation is, the more you beat the drum of something you don't want in your experience. This is a habit of mind learned in our society. We call it "facing reality." What most people don't understand is that talking about what you don't want over and over again, just produces more of the same. It keeps you stuck.

But, the moment you begin to focus on what is going right in your life, instead of what is going wrong, you begin to bring your outlook up a notch. It's like getting yourself a step stool so you can see a little higher, a little further, and broaden your ability to see beyond present circumstances, which are only temporary anyway. Then, the further you can see, the more you influence your ability to allow more possibilities and solutions to flow to you.

Each day, I have started my morning by listing what is going right in my life instead of focusing my energy on all that appears to be going wrong. It's amazing how just a small adjustment each morning can impact my day, my mood, my life. It helps me to be able to find joy in my day, in spite of my present circumstances. And that is the trick, isn't it?

I have never forgotten what the philosopher Kahlil Gibran, wrote in The Prophet: "You shall be free indeed when your days are not without a care nor your nights without a want and a grief, but rather when these things girdle your life and yet you rise above them naked and unbound."

I can say this with confidence after 49 years on the planet learning the same lessons over and over again: When you seek to find joy first, no matter the present circumstance, you begin to feel better. When you feel better, you begin to attract better-feeling circumstances into your life.

It's the Law of Attraction in action.

So, if you can take about 20 minutes out of your day, do yourself a favor and go watch the video on Michelle's blog today. I guarantee you will be smiling the rest of your day! :)

Casein, Seizures and Taurine

I wrote this summer that I was seeing odd behavior in my son, something that I thought could be brain blips, something seizure-like. We took Liberty to a neurologist and they botched the entire procedure because they gave him Benadryl without asking me. These people just assume that Benadryl works for all children and makes then sleepy. A pharmacist told me once that Benadryl has a paradoxical effect in many children and can make them bounce off the walls.

Anyway, I had Liberty in summer camp at the time, and had been letting him have yogurt. They liked him manding for yogurt and began to give him two cups a day. That is when I started seeing the behavior. When I stopped the yogurt, the behavior ceased.

I told Dr. Bock this at our last appointment and he thought it was very significant; in fact he was rather stunned.

I looked up epilepsy and dairy products, and there is a lot of information about it. One of the treatments for epilepsy is a gluten free, casein free diet. Did you know that?

Below is a clip I found on another blog, Schuyler's Monster, that shows absence seizures. Can you spot them? The little girl has four of them. She will stop, look up, and there is a little bit of swallowing or mouth movement. That is exactly what my son did this summer. He would get very sleepy afterward, too. I dreamed around that time of Lib having these God-awful seizures and convulsions so that was confirmation for me that I was seeing actual seizures. These seizures, though not really harmful in themselves, do need to be controlled because they can lead to bigger seizures. Absence seizures are called petit mal seizures and the more overt seizures are grand mal seizures or the type we usually think of as seizures. As you can see, if you did not know what you were looking for, they are easy to miss.

I started Liberty on the amino acid taurine which has been used for prevention of seizures for a very long time and is a common supplement for the biomedical treatment of autism. I believe it helps absorb some other nutrients and is typically low in children with autism. It won't stop a seizure when one is occurring, but does help prevent them. So far, we have had no more of that type of behavior and have avoided medication.

Prayers

Woke this morning to a very loud noise. I was sleepy and stumbling toward the coffee pot. It crossed my mind briefly that it sounded like a gunshot. Then I thought it was just the highway in the distance, sound travels further in the cold morning air.

Later in the morning, my husband came back in and told me there were police cars and tape and ambulances on the street behind us. A man blew his brains out in his backyard. He was 46 years old. I did not know him, but I did wave to him when I went on my walks around the neighborhood.

I don't know if it was because of a loss of a job or the details. I do know that the media is adding fuel to the fire on an already tense time for so many people by the steady stream of reporting on the economy and loss of jobs (which is real, of course). But we are just bombarded to death with the "bad news." Couple that with Christmas approaching and I assume it's just too much for some people.

So, I light candles for us all today.

My heart goes out to the man and his family and so many others like him who must have been in despair. Just the news that the gunshot I heard took the life of someone at that moment was enough to double me over in tears. My husband and I, too, are experiencing some temporary financial setbacks right now, and he said let's just remind ourselves to keep this all in perspective and focus on the things we still do have and not what we have lost.

That's the way we get through some tough times. Focus on what is still good, what remains. The more we do that, the better things are able to become. Perhaps he had no support.

Let us focus our prayers and practice sending waves of love and support into the world this season. We all need it.

So, the bus driver says...

This morning, Lib ran for the bus. He stopped to look at our bus driver, Terry. She said, "Good morning, Liberty. How are you this morning?" To which my sweet child looked her in the eye and replied, "Good."

I waved good-bye to her with both of our mouths agape.

It's gonna be a great day.

For you, Dad, to officially kick off the Christmas Season!

'Tis the Season to Lose Your Mind

Will someone please tell me, what in God's name we have come to? A Wal-mart employee trampled to death by shoppers? It's enough to make me want to cancel Christmas this year.

Back by Popular Demand

Here ya go, Barb!

Stem Cells

I was sent this video by another autism mom. I have never watched the show, The Doctors, but on this show is a little boy who had cerebral palsy. He participated in a stem cell transplant research study, and he has recovered.

We banked Liberty's cord blood at birth and pay $50 a year for storage. You may have seen the cord blood kits which are very popular to give at a baby shower now.

It used to be that you could not find a doctor to use the stem cells unless you went to Costa Rica. Even Dr. Bock was impressed that we had the cells, though he said we would have to wait for technology to catch up.

Perhaps technology is catching up faster than we thought. I have no idea about the red tape involved, but I am sure there has been plenty. But, now, with a new president and new research, we might be able to use Lib's cord blood by participating in a study.

Who knows what the implications are for neurological injury with the use of stem cells? I'm sure you remember the late Christopher Reeve who advocated stem cell study, along with Michael J. Fox.

Here's the video. I thought it was exciting enough to share here on the blog.

Woof, Woof!

Click on over to my good blogger friend, Michelle's blog today. She and her husband are in the process of obtaining a service dog for their darling daughter, Riley. Service dogs do not come cheaply, as they undergo a training process to meet the specific needs of the child they are going to serve. Apparently, these pups have done wonders for many children, helping them get along in their daily lives, to feel safe and develop confidence. These dogs can anticipate meltdowns and tantrums, too. They exert a calming influence on children who have difficulty regulating their senses.

Michelle has a story of a little boy and his service dog on her site today. These animals are angels, in my opinion, given the support and love they provide our children. We are looking for a doggie ourselves, although not a service dog, but a dog to encourage speech in my own child.

Fundraising is in process to obtain their dog and begin getting him or her trained. Please give from your hearts and help, if you can, to speed a puppy to sweet Riley!

Thanks.

Reciprocity, Blessings, and Christmas

Lib came home the other day and suddenly went for my feet, grabbing at them. He knocked me on the bed and I thought there was something about my socks he didn't like. (Certain textures even on someone else can really bug him). But, then I realized...he was tickling me! So, I tickled his feet and he tickled mine. He was participating in a tickle game with me!

Sure enough, I got a note from the teacher that day that said Lib enjoyed lots of hugs and tickling in school. Do you love this woman as much as I do?

This is a big deal as anyone with a child with autism knows. Reciprocal play is one of the coveted goals in school and in therapy.

As if that wasn't enough to send me into spasms of happiness, Lib's teacher said he actually participated in a game the other day. Something called Puppy Racers. An actual game.

Then, in adaptive PE, he started mimicking the stretches the teacher was leading them in. I have never in my life seen him do this. Lib's teacher said she attended adaptive PE that day and watched him learn to jump with both feet on a fulcrum that had a bunch of bean bags on the other end, and apparently, he was delighted when he watched the bags fly off the other end. Even when he jumps on the bed, his feet are not in tandem.

Later, at home, I watched him fly around the house and try to jump with both feet and giggle. The PE teacher said she had never seen Lib participate like he did that day.

This is the feedback you live for.

You know, watching Liberty these days is like watching a butterfly emerge from a chrysalis. Or maybe it's more like The Invisible Man becoming visible. First a finger, then a hand. I remember when he could not not jump, could not even run, and would not hold onto a swing. It was is if he wasn't fully present, one foot in two different worlds.

Now, I'm enjoying great eye contact every day. I see him glance over his shoulder at me furl his eyebrows, trying to catch what I just said. He searches my face for meaning now.

This is real progress for my boy. Still, I have to guard myself right now from comparing him too much to neurotypical children.

All over the television right now are advertisements of "the perfect Christmas" where tiny children are recording their voices saying "Merry Christmas" to grandparents. It always gets to me. I look at the child to see if I can guess how old he or she is and what it would have been like if things had been different - if Lib had been talking at that age.

I was in Wal-mart (unfortunately) today and Lib wanted to walk down the toy aisle. There was a child, probably 3 or 4 years old, happily conversing with his mother, saying "I have to have this for Christmas, Mommy." And she would ask him the names of the toys and he would respond. I feel my heart start to sink when this happens. If I allow myself to go there, I will fall into a funk.

I must keep my eyes on the positive. Is the glass half full or half empty? Do I have reason to hope or is all lost? Can it always be worse? Is today all we have to appreciate everything? This is the dialogue I begin when my Emotional Self climbs up onto the ledge again, trembling.

Yes, I am happy that my son is doing so well and he's so healthy.

But, for me, 'tis the Season of Talking to Myself - a lot.

Wash Your Hands, I'm Begging You!

Did you know this could happen?

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

I can tell that winter is really here in my neck of the woods when our banana trees turn brown. One day green, next day rusty brown.

We had a real cold snap last week and even though I covered up my tomatoes that were just flourishing last week, all green and gorgeous, they all died. I picked the last of the green tomatoes this morning. Hope I'll want lots of fried green tomatoes for breakfast.

This morning, I was lopping off the dead heads of my long-running zinnias and tiny marigolds and putting the seeds in a bag for next year. They had just been sporting gorgeous purple, orange and yellow blossoms the day before.

Last night, I eagerly watched Life on Mars. A cliffhanger. Then I heard the announcer say, "Tune in January 28th for more Life on Mars....."

January. 28. th.

Can you believe this? I finally find a show I'm addicted to and then...they're putting on Lost or something like that for the holidays. Does this make sense?

Here today, gone tomorrow.

I bought a lot of my Thanksgiving Day dinner ingredients to prepare for a huge meal that will be gobbled down in one day next week.

And, Liberty is off for a whole week next week as soon as he gets off the bus.

A. Whole. Week.

Freedom today, freedom gone all next week! Then it's three weeks of school and two weeks off for Christmas break.

AAggHH.

Yep, it's winter all right. It comes in overnight on the Gulf Coast.

Oh---see this? Edy's Limited Edition Peppermint Ice Cream?

It IS here today but it will definitely be gone tomorrow!! I assure you.

You Gotta Have Faith

Amazing video on Oprah of Faith, the dog who walks on two legs!

Don't Touch That Dial

This morning Liberty climbed into bed with me. I got up to make coffee and the alarm went off before I got back to the bedroom. The "alarm" is just the radio coming on. I walked in and went to turn it off, lest my son have an irritability meltdown from the noise, even though it was turned down low. A little hand grabbed my wrist and stopped me in mid-action. He looked at me with wonder as if to say, "Momma, someone's talking to me!" He laid there and listened to a morning show and music. No meltdowns, no covering of ears. Just happy, lying back in bed listening. He bounded happily off to school this morning.

Ya just never know.

The Bucket List

Did anybody see this? I never go to the movies anymore, and I did not rush to rent it. I thought it would be too "cutesie" and predictable. Then I saw that Rob Reiner directed it and I rented. Lib took an early nap yesterday and we got a chance to see this movie. It was much more than I thought it would be. Very enjoyable. What a great team these two are. Loved the message, too.

Read Kiddo Read

Here is a new site created by author, James Patterson, to get children interested in reading. Even though my own son is not reading, I come from a family of avid readers and began reading at a young age. I enjoyed it because my family and school provided some great books to get me hooked. My library card was and still is one of my most prized possessions.

Patterson's site is called Read Kiddo Read. The recommended books are divided by age group and give a synopsis and show a picture of each book. It looks like a wonderful resource, so I am sharing it here on my blog.

I am currently reading Edgar Sawtelle, trying to catch up with the rest of the world who has read it and told me how fabulous it is. I am reading at a snail's pace these days, though, with so much to do each day, I just fall into bed each night.

I'm in Love with Sam Tyler

This is my new favorite show. I have not had a show on prime time tv that I have raced to watch every week in years.

Imagine how much the world has changed since 1973...no cell phones, no DNA testing, no internet or computers...it's fascinating. And the music from the seventies, well, let's just say without telling my age I can relate with many happy memories.

Ray Carling of Sopranos fame is fabulous.

And Harvey Keitel...you've gotta love Harvey and his "Harveyisms."


Okay, there's more, I can't help it! More about 1973.

Veterans Day

My father, who, today is 91 years young, is standing at the end of the line on the right in front of his plane he flew during World War II. He is a HERO to us, having experienced many harrowing missions during the war, including his plane almost being shot down, and landing safely on only two engines. My dad was an excellent pilot and he is just a wonderful human being and father. As a child, I used to hang on his every word as he told about his experiences during World War II. Okay, I still do! It was a time that none of us my age and younger can really imagine. We need to keep these stories alive.

This very plane in the picture above is now housed at the March Field Museum in California, completely restored. I recorded my father talking about his missions in this plane and they actually have a button you can push in the museum with my father's voice explaining and talking about his time in the military! How awesome is that?

Here is a piece that my wonderful sister/writer published for a tribute to Veterans Day in honor of all veterans, and especially, our veteran father. Please check out Susan's blog today. The picture on the blog of the planes in the air was taken from my father's airplane long ago during a mission.

And, it's only fitting that you read the introduction to my incredibly talented sister's memoir in progress about my own family's experience with the military lifestyle.

The Return of Nemo

You've heard me talk about this before and from the comments I have received, apparently many of you agree, that there is something magical or mystical about the movie, Finding Nemo. Each time my son wants to watch it, which is rarely, it signals some sort of cognitive leap.

Sunday, around 4 AM, I am awakened by a little hand and something square poking me in the ribs. Liberty stands there talking in non-stop gibberish and he's holding a DVD in his hand. He is up, raring to go, and wants to watch Finding Nemo. Even though I'm still in a slumbery fog, something in the back of my mind tells me that this day will be different.

And it was.

Yesterday, Liberty was the most engaged he has ever been. His eye contact, his demeanor, his understanding was really different - better. He had chili and chips for lunch and as he ate his chips, he said, "Chip, chip, chip..."

His pronunciation of "Daddy" is now very clear. Daddy does lots of rough and tumble play with him and lots of jumping. Liberty follows him around, not wanting to let him out of his sight when he is home. Libby is signing jump regularly at home and even at school now.

My sister came over and gave him lots of horsie back rides and he stuck to her like glue. He told her to "get up," at one point. (Aunt Susan, get up and give me a ride! I hope she can walk today). They went to swing on the swing set and Liberty sat her down in the swing and tried to push her. Reciprocal play? Wow. A first!

As usual, I'm never sure why these changes occur suddenly, though I'd love to know. I'd give anything to have that magic formula to keep it all going forward, but obviously it is out of my power. I'm just the support, the cheerleader, the advocate, and The Giver of Supplements.

I will tell you that, we changed the formula for the methyl-B12 shots and find it to be better. He's not out of it afterwards like before. So perhaps he is methylating better.

Also, I have really worked on his diet adding in fresh juices, especially spinach and pear. But, yesterday, I added cilantro to the juice. I was out of pear and I juiced a pretty good amount of spinach and cilantro and added a little apple to sweeten it. He loved it. I also added cilantro to the chili, just fresh, not cooked so it would not lose it's punch. Cilantro has been shown to remove mercury from the body.

I just found a recipe for a "detox pesto" that incorporates cilantro and brazil nuts. Brazil nuts are the highest in selenium which removes mercury. I'm still working on that one, gathering ingredients. I will let you know what I come up with.

I have also begun using only Xylitol to sweeten things and the milk I use now is Hemp Milk. I make a pretty good chocolate pudding that is sugar-free and packed with calcium and protein from the hemp milk which is made from hemp nuts. It's a creamier milk that rice or almond and it has a lot of Omega fatty acids in it. I also am making graham crackers and animal crackers using only Agave syrup as a sweetener which has a very low glycemic index. If you haven't tried Agave syrup, you're missing out. It is a lovely syrup that comes from a cactus. It has a mildly sweet flavor and it comes in light or dark (amber) forms. I am doing all of this to help keep yeast down. And I doubled up on the probiotic, NuFerm, probably my favorite supplement next to cod liver oil.

Libby did not crash last night until around 7:30 PM which is unusual to have such a long day with no nap. It was such a great day for him and long overdue. He was just a happy little boy all day long.

I have a small figurine of Nemo that is going up on my alter today. I think he deserves an exalted place right next to Quan Yin.

Yes We Did!

A new day dawns. I am so proud.

V O T E for positive change today

An "Aha" Moment

Some of you are familiar with Byron Katie, the originator of what she calls "The Work," which is four questions you ask yourself in order to turn a problem around. She says we are only reacting to our thoughts about reality and not reality itself. Anyway, there is a certain process you go through to arrive at a place of serenity with the problem.

Listen as this father brings his problem to her table: "I am angry at God because I have a special needs son." The turnaround for me was immediate.

By the way, the father is reading off a list he wrote of things he feels angry about, and then Byron steps in and questions him until he can "turn it around." You can hear the relief in his voice.

MP3 download here >>

I find this oddly comforting...

Quan Yin, The Goddess of Compassion, found among Lib's toys in his room. He loves her and is always swiping her from my alter.

You can read about her here, but I found this line about her particularly moving: "Quan Yin is a shortened form of a name that means One Who Sees and Hears the Cry from the Human World. Her Chinese title signifies, "She who always observes or pays attention to sounds," i.e., she who hears prayers..."

Oh Yes, very comforting indeed.

Who Knew?

Remember the lovely woman who was Liberty's teacher at camp? I found out on Saturday that she is married to Chief White Antelope. We went to a festival this weekend and there she was decked out in full regalia. She never mentioned it.




http://www.firstnationsintertribal.com/about.html

Aftermath

Lib had a great Halloween. He wore a long Dracula cape. He laughed and he only covered his ears occasionally. We took him trick or treating and he held his bag out for candy, though he doesn't really get excited about that because he doesn't eat candy. He was more interested in ringing the bell and looking in people's houses and sometimes trying to push past them to take a look. He really had fun, though, and that makes me feel great. He was very social, gave great eye contact, and skipped and laughed to himself all night about it all, long after we had called it a night.

Our neighbors had the usual graveyard and fog and I supplied the entire neighborhood with a CD I made of soundtracks from Alfred Hitchcock and Twilight Zone replete with spooky sounds like witch's cackles, tolling bells and rattling chains. By 9:00, we'd had enough though. The funniest thing was that I had bought large glow-in-the-dark tarantulas for my spider's web I strung over the porch, but I was afraid to touch them! In fact, they scared me so much, I had to use salad tongs to put them in the web! I really freaked my own self out.

To say I have a tootsie roll hangover is an understatement. I never want to see a piece of sugar again until the Christmas fudge.

I think Liberty is going through a phase and he is progressing through milestones. If I look at my super tall six-year-old child as a six-year-old, I see how behind he is. If I look at him as a 3 1/2 year old though, he is appropriate. And, he said some words this weekend.

Yesterday we were at a festival in the park selling my husband's t-shirts he makes and I took him to the swings and he said, "get down" when he wanted off the swing. He has mimicked some things I have done, too. He has this gibberish going non-stop and words seem to pop through. All very encouraging!

Well, the calendar is already marked up with all of the days Lib has off from school. The holidays are in full swing now, there is no turning back. I made the mistake of going to Walmart today and heard Karen Carpenter's voice over the radio blasting out "chestnuts roasting on an open fire..." as I made my way through the metallic pink and blue Christmas trees on display. They waste no time. When I was a kid, we really got into Thanksgiving. I don't remember seeing so much Christmas stuff until right before the Thanksgiving Holiday. We had to have our Macy's day parade and stuff ourselves silly with turkey and watch football. Only then did we turn our attention to Christmas.

Now it seems we rush right past it. No time for gratitude, let's sell some stuff!

I'm resting in my little cozy safe space for awhile replenishing my energy for the holidays, and I don't want to hear how many more days until Christmas! Sheesh.

Happy Halloween Everybody!

Where Did My Sweet Boy Go?

Something has changed.

Lib doesn't like to be told no, won't obey me, and screeched and screams when he doesn't get his way.

Is this some phase he is going through? He got mad because I would not let him take all of the items stored in our bathroom vanity out and play with them. These would include shampoo bottles, soap, little travel-sized items and my make-up. I cannot count how many times I sent him to his room after I counted to three and he would not clean up his mess. This morning, he got up and the first thing he did was head for our bathroom vanity to begin taking items out. And, if it's not that, then its DVDs. I have had to put up lots of items around the house just so they won't be made available to him to display this dumping behavior. He likes to dump and then take each item, observe it, rub it on his lips and put it behind him in stack.

I don't get it. Somebody stole my kid and left Dennis the Menace in his place.

Horse Love

Saturday, we took Liberty to the Equestrian Center out in the country, about 30 minutes from where we live. I heard that a group called The Leaning Post Ranch was going to be there. They teach special needs children with varying disabilities to ride horses. I don't completely understand how the riding of a horse can be therapeutic, but it was explained to me that the horse's movements are similar to the child's and, especially in those children with sensory integration problems, the horse can help to stabilize or regulate them. Not only do the children learn to ride a horse, but they also participate in the care of the horse they ride with activities such as grooming.

That's a simplified description of a program I have yet to learn more about.

Meanwhile, I walked around the grounds and found the woman who runs the program. A beautiful woman with long flowing white hair loosely tied in a ribbon, and intense marble-blue eyes dressed in brown gauchos and riding boots. I have to tell you I was really drawn to her.

I told her a little bit about my son. She asked me if I wanted to try him with a horse and see how he does. Well, Liberty was hungry and he had not been interested in the petting zoo or any of the other horses that were being shown for adoption or sale that day. The humane society was even there with puppies and he really was not the least bit interested. So, I agreed hesitantly, and told her that Lib was either tired or having an "off" day and so I really was unsure of how he would react.

We walked to the stables and stopped in front of a stall with a sign on the outside that read, "Minnie - Therapy Horse." This horse was anything but small. She was a very large, sort of pale brown with mottled dark brown to black spots scattered about her skin. Actually, she was a very beautiful horse. The woman put a pretty purple rope bridle around her muzzle and held her steady as my husband carried Lib into the stall with Minnie. I watched as my son, immediately and without hesitation, reached out and touched her! My hand flew to my mouth and my eyes filled with tears. Liberty smiled and made some sounds and then he leaned into the horse's thick neck and mane. I tell you I about fainted. It was such a beautiful moment. The woman turned to me and smiled and said, "See? She's a therapy horse. The horse knows the child is different." I told her this seemed kind of like a dolphin experience and she said, "It's exactly like that! The horse knows what the child needs."

I walked out of the stables on a high.

I hope to be taking my son to learn to ride a horse soon. But, first, we deal with the wearing of a helmet. That oughta keep us busy for awhile.

More to come...

"It's th' unblessed food that makes you fat." *

I first found Edward Espe Brown, a Buddhist monk and chef, when I was given his Tassajara Bread Book in the 1980s. I learned how to make all kinds of bread from that wonderful book. He put out a video last year and this is a clip from it.

Since I have been working in the kitchen coming up with juicing recipes and smoothie recipes and figuring out how to get good food into my child who has texture issues, coupled with a horrendous bout of intestinal flu last week I suddenly came down with...my appreciation of food in general, my kitchen, and preparing meals has greatly increased.

Liberty is doing great. The kid with chronic constipation for two years is moving his bowels on a daily basis. Yes. A daily basis. I am making pear + spinach + a little apple juice in the mornings for him. I am adding Hemp Powder to smoothies. I added flax seed oil to the regimen. I added a supplement called MagC. All of this has worked, but in case you didn't know, like me, pear juice is fantastic for constipation. See how just that tiny bit of information could have changed my life a few years ago? (By the way, I'm using a Jack LaLane juicer I bought from an infomercial after Lib was born and did not hardly use, go figure).

Liberty looks happier. I'm happier knowing my child is eating WELL. I have found that it doesn't take much to get the benefits of juices, vegetable or fruit, so buying organic produce can last longer. It's actually starting to be fun.

I am beginning to treat my kitchen as sacred ground and my food preparation, a prayer!

* quote from At Home in Mitford series

Hen's Teeth

On the phone with Lib's new doctor, we hang up. She calls back again, she looked at some labs and forgot to ask one thing. We talk for 30 minutes, asking questions of each other, kicking around ideas, talking about our plan.

Happens all the time, right?

Not.

As my father would probably say, good doctors, at least wise ones, patient and kind ones, the ones who treat you as an equal with respect...are as scarce as hen's teeth.

More to follow. Let's just say I'm juicing up a storm and things are starting to move along.

Knock me over with a feather...

I now have a doctor who calls me at home to check on my son.

We are in the process of juicing and I just started giving Lib the flax seed oil. We're hoping for things to get moving if you catch my drift. (I'm sparing you more potty talk).

So far, he has had three fabulous days at school. I started giving Curcumin faithfully last Friday when I got to thinking about what I heard at a talk by a DAN doctor. She said, "Ten years from now, autism will be called the disease of inflammation." Curcumin was prescribed by Dr. Bock as an anti-inflammatory but there were so many other supplements I was trying to give, I let if fall by the wayside. I have since cut out more than half of his supplements, focusing only on anti-oxidants, fatty acids, probiotics, and now this anti-inflammatory.

After I started giving it to him, I noticed my son seems calmer, and he's been sleeping like a log! I'll keep you posted on this.

I was telling a friend of mine, we are so focused on all of these parts of recovery: metals, yeast, constipation/diarrhea, pica, etc. Yet, we forget that all of these things together have resulted in inflammatory processes in the body. So, maybe, this is a missing part. Our new doctor told us that the flax seed oil is also an anti-inflammatory. She told me she uses it like butter on everything! Wow. I don't know if I'd go that far, but wow.

Anyway, isn't it GREAT that she called?? I'm liking this woman more and more.

Further Down the Road of Recovery

I took Lib to the new DAN doctor in our little town. Actually, it's another little town past our little town, but all in all it's basically in what you would still call "the country." You'd never expect to find an alternative clinic here that has been quietly offering chelation for 10 years. You just never know what is in your backyard.

The clinic also offers hyperbaric chambers and infrared sauna.

But, that's not why we went. We went to see this doctor, to get Lib established with a developmental pediatrician and the fact that she just got DAN-certified was icing on the cake.

Insurance? Not this appointment but praise GOD, she is going to be on board with insurance next month. A miracle for us! The appointment was expensive and I sucked wind writing the check, but she charged half of what Dr. Bock charged us on our first visit. It's highway robbery, really. I'm sure she is getting insurance because she would not have any patients - who can afford this stuff? It's just so wrong. Here we have an epidemic of ungodly proportion and nothing is covered. We are just so fortunate that we can even go to a DAN and we have had lots of help from family. Oh yes, where would we be without a loving family?

Anyway, do I like her? Yes. She is vegan. She LIVES a "green" life. She is big on learning to eat right and well, and she dislikes pharmaceutical companies. She said she would use a drug if warranted, but will try at all times to do everything naturally to get the body to work properly on its own. She is a new kid on the block in the world of DAN, but she is pretty knowledgeable and I think she is going to add a nice dimension to our "team" here. I still have our Dr. Bock on board and I do still appreciate him, but perhaps we will be able to space our appointments with him out longer now until we eventually turn our care over to someone local.

This new doctor likes the fact that Bock is willing to use homeopathic remedies and natural supplements and probiotics from fermented foods, etc. I don't even know if she has read both of his books The Road to Immunity or Healing the New Childhood Epidemics, but I am willing to lend them to her. I am not touting him as the "best" doctor by any means, but he surely knows a lot about not only autism but asthma, ADHD and allergies and so does his brother who is an expert in Lyme disease.

Our new doc said, absolutely no chelation until the bowels move every day! She has me making smoothies for breakfast with hemp protein powder and flax seed oil, and "green" juices in the afternoon sweetened with fruit or Agave syrup. (I have to give Lib these through a syringe, but who cares?) Dr. Bock gave us a fiber supplement, but the new DAN says she wants fresh organic enzymes going in Lib's little body, not just substitutes.

Although, she DID give us one supplement called MagC and last night, my son moved his bowels on his own for the first time in a very long time! She said that lots of the stimming we are seeing could be just from being backed up with toxins. She wants to see how his behavior changes with the nutritional changes and the daily elimination.

As for chelation, our DAN doctor in NY wants to use DMSA suppositories. I have read different methods and I like the Cutler protocol which uses DMSA but takes the half-life of the drug into account, so you are chelating more frequently on chelation days so the metals don't get re-absorbed. And you introduce ALA which crosses the blood-brain barrier and pulls metals from the brain. Dr. Bock said we have to be careful with yeast being kicked up when we add this in so he said to double up on our probiotic.

The new DAN here thinks we can get the metals out naturally and she has several methods she reeled off to me. I told her that most of us want the "big guns" of chelation (DMSA, EDTA, etc.) simply because we have been on this road for so long and the metals have been in so long. We are scared, we want the gunk out! But, I did see that you have to be careful. I should not have given my son any of the herbal Heavy Metal Detox the herbalist gave us until he was eliminating properly. This stuff contained ALA and NAC and cilantro among others. I saw immediate improvement as I blogged about before because I'm sure he was detoxifying, but then I saw some bad stimming and screaming and disturbed sleep ... we believe because the metals got reabsorbed.

So be careful! Herbs are powerful, too. I see that. The herbalist told me to change Lib's diet and he really should have said for me to do that first and get the bowels moving before I attempted the detox for metals.

But, it's okay. We are moving forward. We are learning. My son is doing well in the middle of the God-awful stimming that has cropped up recently, so I am encouraged. I will stay the course.

Lots of people have told me that I am one of the "warriors" that Jenny talks about, but I really dislike the word. I like the word advocate better. Warrior to me reminds me of all of the pain associated with the diagnosis: The vaccine incidents themselves, the doctors whose ears were closed to me, the desperation and search for help for my son, the sifting through tons of information, wondering what was reliable and what was not.

So, I consider myself an advocate for my son. I've been there and done that and spoken to that person and read from that group. My new DAN here talked about her "smart moms," and how we are the ones teaching the doctors. She actually said that to me! And, for the first time, I looked at her and I said, "Yes. That's right. We are educating you and we have a lot to learn together." She said, "We (referring to doctors in general) were not there for you and have not been there for you for a long time, but hopefully the tide is turning."

God, I pray it's so.

Airport Security

Firsts

Liberty's dad calls last night from the shop and hears Lib chattering away in the background at home. "Put him on the phone," he says. I put the phone up to Lib's ear and for the first time when he hears his daddy's voice, he leans into the phone intently. When I say to him, "Say bye-bye to Daddy," he kisses the phone.

Last night, he looked at me and said, "Mah-ee."

The purple circles are gone from underneath his eyes. His appetite is the best it's ever been. His gut is healing.

Think we got the right herbs. I will never doubt muscle testing again.

And, to the reader who wrote me months ago and begged me to try muscle testing, thank you. I never forgot what you said.

Blessings

1) Liberty is very healthy with a strong immune system. Thanks, Dr. Bock.
2) Liberty is a very happy and joyful soul. Thanks, God.
3) Liberty is eating and detoxifying and calmer! Thanks, Thomas Easley.
4) Liberty slept through the night. Thanks, Daddy for playing with him all evening.
5) Liberty is trying to talk, communicate and picking up signs. Thanks, Kathy the teacher.

So much to be grateful for. And, all of this on my mind after a peaceful full night's sleep.

What a different perspective rest creates.

Shelley Hendrix Reynolds, You are MY HERO

"Everyone should be allowed a pity party when a storm hits. You have to get it out of your system -- whether that is by talking. Guilty. Throwing up. Guilty. Crying. Guilty. Screaming. Guilty. Being angry. Guilty again. But after all your tantruming, in the end, you can either wallow in it or get out of it." - (excerpted from an article by Shelley Hendrix Reynolds)

This is undoubtedly one of the best and inspiring articles I have ever read. It's called, "Navigating the Cone of Uncertainty," (a Hurricane metaphor for autism),and it's in the Huffington Post. A friend sent me the link, and, well, if you read my last post, you will see why I needed to read this today.

It's a little lengthy, but oh so worth it. I'm telling you. It's perfect. It really moved me and gave me H O P E. I know it will for you, too.

And, I had no idea that Baton Rouge was wiped out by Gustav, did you??

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/shelley-hendrix-reynolds/navigating-the-cone-of-un_b_129266.html

Tomorrow is Another Day

Many thanks to Drama Mama today for nailing on the head what I have been going through for the past five years. What would I do without my blogger friends?

I've said that there are bad days and there are good days and you just kind of ride the wave. But, I don't always ride the waves well or with grace. I usually have a few fear thoughts crop up like weeds when I'm particularly vulnerable, when I'm tired which is most of the time, or hormonal which is some of the time.

The thing is, I think about my son 24/7. His autism is always in the background. He has some very odd mannerisms that have popped up over the last week (in the middle of some "good" behaviors). Lots of visual stimming, unusual arm movements, and lately, God-awful ear sensitivity. He could not get off the bus on Friday because he refused to take his hands from his ears. He dove for me from the third step of the bus crying. I've never seen him like this.

I cannot count on a full night's sleep anymore because invariably somewhere in the middle of the night or morning, the screeching begins. Actually, it's more like a squawk. It happened this morning and I went to check on him and all he did was throw an arm around my neck, so I thought he was dreaming. It happened an hour later, so I staggered in there to see what was going on - same thing. Checked the pull-up to see if he was wet or something but he wasn't.

I have the thought that he is detoxifying. I took him to an herbalist and did some muscle testing and we saw a difference in him immediately when we changed the probiotic and added in some other things for his gut. But, I get a little tired of hearing phrases like "it's a healing episode," or that when they are getting better, they are "more autistic." Some days I want to say, oh pleeezz shut up. And, maybe they're right, but I don't know. How do I know if it's a healing episode or he's sliding deeper into autism?

Around 7:30 AM, he is wide awake dragging his two pillows into bed with me. I finally just got up and slugged down some coffee and watched Sunday Morning. I realized it was awfully quiet in his room and he had fallen asleep again and did not get up until 12:30 PM. I scurried back to bed to get some shut-eye, but all I got was a bunch of random thoughts that tumbled through space. Weird stuff from my childhood.

I'm stressed.

My son does not speak. He makes all kinds of noises. He has said a few words here and there. I try to accept the fact that he may never speak, but if he does not pick up signs faster...if he does not make eye contact to pick up the signs...what then? When other little kids his age are learning their numbers and letters, what is my son learning? How will he ever catch up? This is where my mind goes in the wee hours of the morning.

The bottom line for me is not will he do well socially, or how will autism ultimately affect his life, etc. It is the fact that I don't know my son. I have an idea of him, of his spirit and I can see what some of his likes and dislikes are by the way he reacts. But, I don't know if he has a favorite color. I don't know what he thinks about when he watches DVD or flips through a book. He's been on the earth for six years and I don't know my son. I've never heard him say I love you. I've never heard, "Mommy, I want..." Just a hand dragging me somewhere.

That's my heartache.

Alright, so spiritually speaking, maybe he did come in this way, knew this would happen and my soul knew it too. Even placating myself with this idea that somehow everything that has happened was meant to be doesn't take away the fact that I miss my son.

He's here physically but I'm lonely for him. It's like he's got one foot in this world and one in another one where I can't join him. Duh. I know, that's autism.

I am sure that one of the reasons I'm feeling particularly blue lately is because last week a little five-year-old boy much like Liberty, whose mom had a blog just like mine and who did all kinds of biomed stuff with him and chronicled his progress like I do almost each day...was run over in his driveway and killed. That woman has been in my prayers each day and night. I didn't know her personally, but I KNOW her. I can't go to the funeral, it would rip me apart.

I've hugged my son tighter, and I am so vigilant about his whereabouts outside. We don't live on a busy street, but there was a time a year ago he got outside and ran all the way down the street where there was an intersection. I've never run so hard and so fast in my life. The vigilance is always right there, like a panther breathing down my neck, "watch out."

I know what that woman would say to me after reading my above statement. "At least you still have your son with you." It's true. I don't understand what's going on with him. I might not ever really get it. But, he's here with me and I love him deeply.

So, to paraphrase what my friend said, I guess all I can do is be happy when the good things happen and try to do the best I can to get through the rough times. Because there is always ebb and flow, in all things. You can see from my previous posts that we have had some great things happen, like great teachers and great days, and then some other days where I'm scraping crap off the walls and falling into bed each night. Lib was doing so well that I even felt a little bit of the load lighten up, enough for me to post about the odd feelings that were released and my blogger friend Carrie remarked that I am experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder. I never thought of it like that, but it rings true.

I usually keep all of these down feelings in check by appreciating what I have. I kind of lost it this past week. That's why I haven't posted. I was afraid someone would accuse me of my blog being "such a downer" again. God. Forbid.

I guess I'm only human.

Just in Case You Missed Funny Cloris

It's a wonder I can get any work done at all...

How can this be 22 years ago?

My mid-life "crisis" or PTSD or whatever thing I'm going through often makes me think of the past - perhaps when there were not so many responsibilities. But, I really want to go back to 1976 - 32 years ago. It seems impossible that it was that many years ago. Time is faster now, slower then.

This song's for my old, dear friend in Florida. You know who you are.

Grace

I just returned from a meeting with Lib's teacher. My sister went along with me. It was the best meeting I have ever had regarding Liberty and his needs. I just wanted to find out what I can do at home to support what she is doing in the classroom. I came home with a great plan --- suggestions for what I can do at home that won't exhaust me or overstimulate Lib, and a list of signs we both agreed that need to be accomplished. I really love her method of teaching.

Here's the best part: When I asked her if I need to get an ABA therapist in my house a few times per week, she said, "No. He is getting it all day long, one-on-one with us. He gets ABA therapy five days a week. A kid needs to be a kid, too."

I about fell out of my chair. He's getting ABA therapy five days a week (she is an almost board-certified ABA therapist). My God, this is almost like camp was for six weeks this summer and it's not costing me $35 an hour.

She said all I needed to do was the little home program I am going to put together. She doesn't want me to be a therapist at home. Learning is supposed to be fun, she said. We can organize small sessions at home in the name of fun with plenty of opportunities for him to learn to sign. And I can still cook dinner and do what I have to do.

She also said he needs huge amounts of vestibular input: Swinging, running, bouncing on the trampoline, riding his bike, etc. I have seen this since his diagnosis. The first OT that ever came to our house would bounce him on the trampoline, hold him by his ankles and walk around, then tickle him on the couch. Right after that, she immediately sat him down and he performed tasks. He did beautifully every time.

He is now almost 50 lbs. I can't hold him upside down, but his father can. So I have to find ways to give him this stimulating input. He becomes more alert when he engages in lots of physical activity. Therapists say he becomes more aware of where he is in space.

Everything at our meeting was so clear, straight to the point, and upbeat. My sister LOVED her. She said my son is in the best possible hands. And, she should know, she worked in special education for 30 years. So, now my family, finally, after the last few years has a much better idea of how to communicate with Liberty.

Most meetings I walk away feeling down. This one, I walked away hopeful. She really loves my son and she has designed the best possible way to encourage him to come out of himself, to interact, and express himself.

Ironically, this is the same teacher I did not like about a year ago when I was going to hire her to do therapy in my home because she said PECS (picture exchange system) was not a good option for my son. The last school he attended and the therapists there insisted on this method of communication as being the right one and told me she was not a "team player" and that she didn't know what she was doing. I listened to them. What did I know?

Never judge. That's all I'm saying. She knew what she was doing all along and I didn't. But, by the grace of God, we got moved to her school and put under her care this year.

Before school began, and before I knew she would be teaching Lib this year, I ran into her in the grocery store. She saw Lib and she bent down and held out her arms and he ran to her and gave her a big hug and a kiss. That's when I knew that she would be his teacher --- long before I got the assignment in the mail. That's the way the Universe works. It was telling me that she was a good match for him all along. To let go. It would be okay.

We are so blessed.

I'm floating on air today.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

I have been gently reminded again, that I have been so focused on Liberty and his well-being, that I often forget about my own.

Well, six years is a long time to let self-care lapse.

I had a strange day yesterday. I awoke feeling pretty good. We have gotten a nice change in the weather here and so I walked one and a half miles yesterday morning. I did some yoga. I meditated. It was lovely. I felt great for the first time in a very long while. Then, the day got strange. I began to feel anxious. I became emotional. I cried while watching Avalon on HBO and folding laundry. I cried over other people's blogs. I kept thinking, "What happened to me?"

Then my loving sister told me that, when we have been under a strain like I have for so long and we see a little bit of blue sky, when the load lifts a little bit, we begin to unleash the frustrations and feelings from it all. She said it's a process that could last awhile. That made sense to me.

Yes, it's really been an ordeal. Is it over? By no means. But, I AM getting some relief now. Liberty is much better, he's on a good road. He is making gains each day. He is happy. He is very healthy in most regards. He is in school, so I am getting a bit of a break, even though I do work at home and stay busy just keeping up with our life but I don't have him 24/7 each day.

He has changed since I last posted only three days ago. I started giving him a natural supplement his doctor recommended to see if some of the stimming behavior goes down. It is beginning to work wonders. He is calmer. He went to sleep at 8 PM last night finally. He slept all the way through the night. His eye contact is improved. He is pretend playing with his little people and horses, etc.

I still have my head full of Liberty -

What to feed him?- he has fallen into an eating pattern that does not include the variety of food he started eating last year and that has created the problems he is experiencing of constipation. He is picky about textures. It makes it hard to come up with new food items for him. This is always running in the back of my brain. Not to mention finding the time to try recipes that wonderful people have sent me.

He needs to learn more signs because suddenly he is using the sign for "pretzel" for everything. He needs more words so he can express himself. What I can do at home to support what they are doing in school, getting someone in my house - all on my mind.

And, we have eventual appointments for occupational and speech therapy, developmental eye doctor, possible ABA therapist, a new pediatrician/DAN doctor in our town, an herbalist, the teacher, etc. So my plate is still full. Very full.

Add in financial strain and lack of sleep and good nutrition and I guess you have a recipe for disaster! Perhaps I can see it as amazing at all that I have made it this far and this intact. This journey has been recorded in my body, my face. I've aged.

But, my sister is right, there is a little more hope, a little more of the door open for me to take care of myself.

I have to get a root canal next week. I've put it off for three months by doing pranic healing on myself while I try to come up with the money. It's just something that has to be done since I did not take care of my teeth like I should have when Lib came along.

So, I guess I need to allow my self to let the tears fall when they come and realize that I am also undergoing a process of recovery myself. I just want to feel like "me" again. And, even that doesn't happen overnight. It feels like it's a letting go a little at a time of all of the "stuff" I've accumulated since Lib's diagnosis.

And, speaking of stuff, since I have done a lot of clearing out around the house, getting rid of the old and outdated, the no longer needed and re-organizing things, I think that perhaps this has started a process of change within me, as well. In fact, I'm sure of it. This makes me rather happy.

I am ready for something new...a new vibration, a new tune to dance to. Fresh energy, fresh thoughts.

Who knows what will happen when I clean out my car?

Learning to Surf

Every now and then I go through some sort of phase with Liberty. I never can see it coming. It just sort of begins to appear and establishes a pattern that we endure anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. You think I'd feel the ground twitch or the faint honk of a horn as the freight train approaches.

But no.

Libby came home from school on Friday with a sniffle that looked like it would turn into a bad cold. Luckily, I gave him some of what I call our "magic" potions his doctor gave us, and it nipped the cold in the bud by morning. But, along with this cold, he has had a few loose stools that has made it even more interesting, as he just takes his underwear off anywhere he happens to be.

And, you know THE MOMENT I turn my back something happens --

Little brown hands.
A flash of a streaker out of the corner of my eye.

Needless to say, I have LOTS of laundry going constantly.

To say that I am beat is an understatement. Weary or maybe world-worn is a little more like it.

Lib also took an interest in the bathroom cabinet items again. He enjoys removing everything and inspecting it for size, shape and color, then he arranges it all in various places throughout the house.

I had to go on a scavenger hunt for my lipstick and eyeliner the other day in my own hallway. Suddenly, the most used phrases in our house are "Have you seen...?" and "I found it!"

We make him put everything back and play the "clean-up game," but eventually, there he is again, removing my shampoo from the bathroom, my husband's aftershave, etc. It's the never ending game. And there sit the Legos, the tools, the puzzles, the figurines, etc. unplayed with in his room. When he's got a good bottle of shampoo or a compact of powder, he's a happy little camper.

I bet you don't know what 300 Q-tips really look like. But I do! When they are spread out individually across the floor, boy howdy, that's a lot of Q-tips!

And it's amazing how many tissues there really are in one of those cute little boxes of Kleenex. He must have had an absent-minded ball removing each one and throwing them over his shoulder as he watched a video. We stuffed them back in, and by God, he uses them to wipe his nose! A minor miracle.

To top it all off, I made the mistake of offering him one of his little people to play with in his bath the other day. Instantly, you could see the light bulb go off in his little brain. Quick as a flash he was up out of the tub and rounding up ALL of his little people and figurines, etc. So, now the shower phase is over because he likes to bathe with his STUFF.

And, for some reason, after doing so well with potty training, he is suddenly removing his pants and having accidents. Is this normal? It's like he does not want to stop what he is doing to have to go that pesky old bathroom. What gives?

I am coping only because I have another really good book going (The Love Season by Elin Hilderbrand). Thank you, God.

Oh---and the spitting skill is growing strong. He understands that it is not cool to spit down the front of your shirt. He gets that he must go outside to spit, but lately, he has found that he can spit in the toilet. This is not all bad because one day, I found that he had stripped down to nothing and was standing at the potty spitting into the toilet when suddenly, he began to urinate in the toilet standing up. It surprised even him. It had never occured to him that he could stand up while going to the potty. He looked over at me and smiled.

In the middle of it all, he is learning about his world, his body. Soon, this phase will be over and another one will take its place.

It's ebb and flow. Big waves and little waves.

I'm learning to surf.

If I can just hang 10 a little longer...

By the way, I welcome all good book and movie recommendations.

For You, Dad - One Ringy Dingy

Sleeping Cherub

The Five Rules of Happiness

1. If you like a thing, enjoy it.

2. If you don't like a thing, avoid it.

3. If you don't like a thing and you cannot avoid it, change it.

4. If you don't like a thing and you cannot avoid it and you cannot or will not change it, accept it.

5. You accept a thing by changing your viewpoint of it.


by Burt Goldman, instructor of The Silva Method

At Home in Mitford

Unbelievably, I haven't had much time to blog since we have been so busy lately, taking Liberty to therapy after he gets off the bus, getting his hair cut finally, blood tests, etc. But, I have done some cleaning out around here and I'm not done yet. I'm on a determined tear to get all in order and do some space clearing.

While dusting off my bookshelves, I came across my beloved Mitford series. If you have not experiened Jan Karon's At Home in Mitford books, you have missed out on food for your soul, my friends. When I was expecting Liberty, I wanted to stay focused and serene as I had had a miscarriage before him, and everything and everyone scared me. So, I delved into the entire Mitford series (over five books) and it saw me through. It kept my head in the right place. I laughed out loud and cried along with the people of this little mountain town. It was nourishing.

The setting for the story takes place in a town such as Blowing Rock, North Carolina (where Jan Karon is from) and it centers around Father Tim, a single sixty-something Episcopalian priest. The book is hilarious as you follow him through his encounters with his parrish and his evolving love story with his next door neighbor who writes children's books. The characters are unforgetable, and there is much wisdom to be gleaned between these pages. It is definitely a spiritual experience. It's one of those books that you put down a moment while reading, and think about what was just said, applying an idea to your own life...or you just put down so you can go get that box of Kleenex and weep awhile before moving onto the next chapter.

You can read an excerpt here.

I even have the companion cookbook and kitchen reader which is wonderful, as all of her books describe the food the residents of the town cook and bring to all of their events! You will be up and making homemade pies and macaroni and cheese in no time.

You might want to take up a sport while reading these books just to keep your weight in check.

Jan Karon's books are like comfort food - they are soothing to the soul and uplifting to the Spirit!

It's That Time of Year

Politics, ugh!

Space Clearing and Feng Shui

Check out Karen Kingston's website. She is the guru of Feng Shui for all types of dwellings. Clearing clutter is a great way to bring in fresh new energy, and this time of year is a great time to do it.

For some reason, Liberty is learning to spit and spit well. He gets a cup, goes to the refrigerator, fills it with water from the door and then goes outside and engages in a full spitting ritual all down the front of his shirt and pants. He comes back in, refills the cup, heads back outside and continues until his clothes are soaked through. To say that this boy has a fascination with water is an understatement. Maybe it is more of a kinship.

At least he learned not to spit in the house. Impressive.

Lib had a great first day back and I spent the morning getting my life back in order. This afternoon he is getting the long overdue haircut I am gearing up for as I write this.

The days are already getting shorter and autumn is now in full swing.

Time to sweep the hearth.

They don't call it Labor Day for nothing

1) Get up late after Lib was up at 2 and 4; realize storm was not bad.
2) Make pancakes and bacon and a gallon of coffee.
3) Make chili to freeze for Lib for school lunches.
4) Make spaghetti to freeze for Lib for school lunches.
5) Can't find the damned gluten free Italian bread crumbs I made for the meatballs, so have to improvise. Apparently out of gluten free bread.
6) Begin graham crackers, realize out of gluten free flour.
7) Begin gf/cf cookies, realize out of eggs.
8) Send husband to store. Publix just opened and they know us personally already.
9) Wash and fold all 18 loads of laundry.
10) Throw out unidentifiable items in fridge/freezer.
11) Liberty bored out of his skull - every item in our bathroom lined up down the hallway.
12) Every toy in Lib's room played with, strewn everywhere.
13) See child start to wipe something on walls...

14) Put on Patsy Cline and make baked beans while Lib dances in the living room and I belt out "Crazy" and "I Fall to Pieces..."

It's 3 PM. I have not even made it to the shower yet and I'm only halfway down my list.

My bright spot at the end of the tunnel: The bus comes tomorrow morning at 7:30 AM.

We'll be ready and waiting.

's All I'm Saying...

The Eagle Has Landed!

I am standing at the hall closet getting out some towels. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Liberty brush past me and into the bathroom. He has his headphones on, a t-shirt and Spiderman underwear. I watch as he sits on the potty, pulls his pants down and not off, urinates, and pulls pants back up. I almost say, "Remember to flush..." but he beats me to it, turns around, high fives me, and runs back into his room to finish watching The Wiggles.

And, that apparently, is how milestones get reached. No fanfare, no trophies, no jumping up and down. Lib acted as if he'd been doing this for years. A switch went on and stayed on. Something somewhere synapsed.

I just stood in the middle of the hall with my mouth open.

And then I thanked God. Profusely.

How to be inspired to write...

Go Away Gustav

WANTED: Nice corner of the world to live in. Must have great services for autism and affordable homes. Must be far away from the path of any hurricanes as possible but not so far north as to get snowed in most of the year. It would be a bonus to not be in a tornado alley. While it would be lovely to live near water, would like to live nowhere near a flood plain. It would be extra nice to be in a community that supports locally grown food and organic products and is far away from any coal-burning plants or Superfund sites.

I am either:

a. Looking for the yellow brick road to Emerald City.
b. Sick to death of dogding hurricanes.
c. Tired of having Labor Day ruined by making "exit" plans.
d. ALL OF THE ABOVE.