Finding the Good Feeling Place

The following (in purple) are direct quotations taken from Esther Hicks (The Teachings of Abraham) as seen on the first version of DVD, The Secret.

I share this because I have gained a lot of insight and peace by reading the Abraham books and philosophy. I made sure that I wrote them down in my journal because the quotes are in regard to relationships.

I think they are particularly apropos in my situation with my son because I need to stop wishing for him to be other than he is, so I can be happy. For certain, having a non-verbal child is really hard. I long for his voice. I long for a conversation. I long to hear his take on the world, his perceptions. I want to KNOW him. Right now I simply intuit who he is, if you get what I mean. It is kind of like having only peripheral vision. I feel him and his energy, I have a perception of his beautiful Spirit. Such an affectionate sweet child, he is beloved by all of his teachers, therapists, and family. And, I am grateful for his good nature which I felt from the moment I held him in my arms.

As I read all of your blogs, I celebrate with you each time you transcribe a funny or profound conversation you have had with your child. One mom reported this morning that her son just began singing and what a joy it was to hear. It gives me hope. But, at the same time, I must accept the very real possibility that my child will remain nonverbal. He is not mute, he makes noises and he tries to say words. But it is not the same as hearing him speak words. So, even though I have been in a grieving process since his diagnosis 4 years or so ago, which I believe is only natural, I do need to be able to maintain a sense of stability, balance, and peace with where we are each day. You have to move on...which is easier said that done, and everyone must find their own way.

Abraham says that you must first do what you can to find thoughts that bring relief and get yourself feeling good, and from that place, you can then attract more and more better feeling thoughts, and better circumstances through the powerful Law of Attraction. I know this is true because I have turned unpleasant feelings and situations around very quickly by practicing this technique. And, trust me, I have had many opportunities to apply this wisdom throughout the years.

Therefore, I share the following wisdom from Abraham with you that really helped me to do this:

"If you knew your potential to feel good, you would ask no one to be different so that you can feel good. You would free yourself of all of that cumbersome impossibility of needing to control the world, your mate, your child. You are the only one who creates your reality."

And, the following quote has helped me tremendously in regard to my marriage. Having a child with autism creates a tremendous strain on that, as I am sure many of you know. So, I remember this and it has helped me avoid a lot of conflict:

"You must orient yourself to the best part of them. Make a list of positive aspects. Those people will become mostly that to you. And, even though you cannot create in their reality, if they are in a mood or an attitude that does not match the mood or attitude that you have about them, they will zig while you zag. The Law of Attraction will not put you in the same space together. The frequencies don’t match up."

I just discovered yesterday that my son has a bottom baby tooth that he is about to lose. I cannot believe that we are here already! I cannot tell him about the tooth fairy. I guess that is what precipitated me feeling a little melancholy today. But, then I thought, perhaps, I will save all of the baby teeth that I can, and, if he ever does talk, I can tell him about the Tooth Fairy and boy will he hit the jackpot overnight.

My job is just to love him and that's what I do.

Interview with Dr. Kenneth Bock

I just stumbled onto this recent interview at the Atlanta conference. A reporter from Atlanta's Channel 11 spent 35 minutes with him. It is a really in depth interview that covers latest thoughts and methods in the treatment of autism. I got more answers myself by watching this interview, and he's our doctor! He mentions the creation of something called the 4-A Foundation which is supposed to be a way to help families meet the expenses of treatment. He said families should not have to be rich to see a DAN! doctor. Thought you might like to see.

http://www.11alive.com/video/player.aspx?aid=83522&bw

Now for Something Completely Different

Since I have grown weary of talking about autism, the following is a list of medical transcription bloopers that has circulated for awhile, but since I am in the profession, I still get these sent to me from time to time by co-workers. Believe me, transcribing for hospitals across the country every day, I have seen even worse, not to mention some of the wild things doctors say on tape. It provides for a rather interesting window into the medical profession, and one which, on some days I would rather not have access to! Some days I just howl with laughter as I sit quietly in my office and transcribe.

Here are some mistakes made in medical charts by transcriptionists, some are funnier than others:

1. "Bleeding began in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles."
2. "Patient came in today complaining of chronic vaginal affection."
3. "Since she can't conceive I've sent her to a futility expert."
4. "Surgery will be performed under General Anastasia."
5. "I saw your patient yesterday, who's still under our car for physical therapy."
6. "I've asked him to call and let me know who he's feeling this week."
7. "There was some concern about financial matters, but the patient was told she could apply for pubic assistance."
8. "After her last child she had her tubs tied."
9. "Infection resulted after she pimped a few popples."
10. "Rectal exam reveals normal-size thyroid."
11. "Social history reveals this 1 year old patient does not smoke or drink and is presently unemployed."
12. "Patient called and left word that he had expired last week."
13. "When she fainted her eyes rolled around the room."
14. "While she was in the emergency room, she was examined, x-rated, and sent home."
15. "Prior to surgery she was prepped and raped in the usual fashion."
16. "He's rather sedentary and drives a bust all day."
17. "This chubby youngster needs a slim adult to look up to as a role model."
18. "Both her old and new noses have been placed in our album."
19. "I keep reassuring her that her memory will improve, but again today she forgot to pay her bill."
20. "Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus-sized."
21. "I told her that for the time being she'll have to bare with me."
22. "His prognosis was poor, having a massive cerebral hemorrhoid."
23. "He's a ten month old male who called on the day of admission to complain that his asthma was worse and he still has left otitis media."
24. "Patient is to remain plastered for the next 6 to 8 weeks."
25. "She got my instructions messed up and cut out all exercise and increased her sweets."
26. "Following the exam of her breasts we discussed the impending nasal surgery."
27. "...large brown stool ambulating in the hall."
28. "The patient was discharged in stale condition."

Finding The Words

This is the name of a documentary about children with autism who have recovered. I was sent this short version by a friend. I told her I cannot get enough of seeing stories like this to fuel my fire in continuing on our biomedical intervention. It's nice to see Jeff Bradstreet, Amy Yasko and Andrew Wakefield talking around a round table with other neurologists. I would love to see the full movie.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=tsjx0Lo05z4&feature=related

My son is 5 years old and has no speech, just sounds, although he tries to say Daddy, cracker and sometimes "ch" for chip, there is no real talking involved. I think perhaps that I could better accept all of the quirks and uniqueness (see previous post) of my child if I could just have some kind of dialogue with him. I have waited all of these years for it. True, we communicate on many other levels. Am I wrong to want him to speak and understand me so badly? It seems only natural. It seems, too, a sad irony to have a child like him in such a loquacious family.

Liberty was recently sick and I suppose that it is at these times, when he does not feel good and can only cry, that this desire in me is really intensified. There is nothing worse than not being able to comfort your child when you do not know what is wrong.

I do have hope that my son will talk one day. His brain seems to be setting up for it as evidenced by doing puzzles and using some signs for objects. One woman who made a comment on the film said her daughter is beginning to talk at seven years old after starting the biomed intervention.

I just have to get used to the idea that Liberty is not going to do things "on time" like other neurotypical children. You would think that I'd have gotten that by now, wouldn't you?

Quirkiness or Toddler Phase?

I don't know why Liberty doesn't understand that you have to take your clothes off to get into the bath. He just took a bath, got into his pajamas, and them apparently got the bright idea to go and get all of his planes, trains, and automobiles and get back into the bath with them. Behind him you can see something silver. That is the cheese grater from the kitchen gadget drawer.

Sigh.

Some things are just beyond my understanding, I guess.

Mercury Amalgams

I am posting this at the request of a friend mine, as a matter of fact, one whom I met through my blog. She used to work as a dental hygienist. I had four mercury amalgam fillings when I got pregnant with Liberty. I then nursed him for two years. Two years prior to Liberty's arrival, I had four root canals and four crowns. I am not saying that this is what caused his autism, but wondering aloud, if mercury from my leaking amalgams set the stage for the mercury from his vaccinations to tip the scales. I have avoided this issue since the last time a dentist as well as Liberty's neurologist basically looked at me like I was some kind of neurotic fool to even entertain the idea that mercury amalgams were bad for me or in some way connected to my son's autism.

Here is a very interesting website regarding this issue. Thanks Cristine!

http://www.dentalwellness4u.com/mercurydetox/autism.html

Also, here is a link to the site of Stan Kurtz. He is a parent of an son with autism whom he recovered himself through his own research. He also discovered a way to recover himself from ADHD. He is a regular presenter at the DAN! conferences and, apparently, is well-respected. I posted before about the research he has done on the virus connection to autism. His website is incredible and I have not yet had time to go through all of the information and videos. I am very interested in what he has to say about the benefits of MB12 for many chronic ailments.

You have to scroll way down the page to find the video on mercury amalgams. After watching this video, I am convinced I must get these fillings out as soon as I can.

http://www.childrenscornerschool.com/recoveries_new.html

Are fevers a clue?

I just read a post by my friend Cathy Jameson over at The Age of Autism ( http://www.ageofautism.com/). She observed her son behaving more normally when he got a fever and chicken pox. Someone made a comment that these kids who suddenly act "normal" when they have a fever are called "viral kids."

Is being a viral kid a clue to treatment?

I read another article by J. B. Handley (founder of Generation Rescue) over at The Age of Autism that many parents of children with autism are using a combination of Valtrex and Diflucan with outstanding results. The article said that Nystatin often produced undesirable results. You can check it out here: http://www.ageofautism.com/jb_handley/index.html

Hmmm.

All of this has me wondering if the fever that Liberty has been experiencing this week has been the catalyst for his sudden ability to complete puzzles and increase his ability to almost say words.

I remember when he was two, he caught a Rotavirus. He threw up so much and afterward he seemed so much more normal to me, even picking up new foods and eating them. I asked a doctor about my hunch that perhaps whatever he had in his gut, such a a virus, was temporarily depleted and caused his behavior to improve. They told me no, that of course he was going to be hungry and eat new things since he had nothing in his stomach. I accepted that, but always had that little gnawing feeling that something significant happened we were all missing. This was way before a DAN! doctor and when I was just starting to get a clue about leaky gut syndrome and the gut-brain connection.

If anyone has any experience with this, please post a comment and let me know. This is all new to me. Our next follow-up appointment with Dr. Bock is December 13, so I would like to add this to my list of questions for him. I can't shake the feeling that somehow this is important to know.

Puzzling Progress

I am happy to report that Liberty just made some huge strides forward - last night and this morning.

Poor little guy has been sick most of this week that he has been off from school for their Fall Break. But, suddenly, last night he did two puzzles that he had had no interest in before. One was number 0 through 10, the other one was a more complicated one of pictures of tools. These puzzles have 10 to 12 pieces.

This morning, he could do ALL of his puzzles he has had for the last two years. Perfectly. With only one or two prompts when he could not get the piece turned around properly.

I could not believe it. What happened? We were never really "working" on puzzles since he was so easily frustrated or not interested. I know he does some puzzles at school. But it has always been hard for him to maintain attention. He is so easily distracted, he would hold a puzzle piece in his hand and then look away at something else. Or, he would grab my hand to put the puzzle piece in its proper position. I always had to say, "Look at it." He needed lots of assistance.

Not this morning. He took each puzzle piece, looked at it, looked at the puzzle board and put the pieces in one after the other, perfectly, as if he had done them a million times. His father and I observed in hushed, total amazement over our coffee cups.

Something is working somewhere; I don't know how, but it encourages us, once again, to Keep on Keeping On with what we are doing!

Happy Thanksgiving

Count

Your

Blessings!

Thanks, Bernie

Today is the anniversary of the passing of Dr. Bernard Rimland, hailed the "father of autism research." We owe so much to this man. You can read about him here: http://www.autism.com/ari/rimland/rimlandobitarticle.htm

Vaccinations at Gunpoint

I received this from one of my biomed groups I belong to this morning. This is shocking and I don't understand how they can get away with it.

http://www.newstarget.com:80/022267.html

Buy A Turkey You Can Handle Video

You've probably been emailed this 1,000 times, but in case you missed it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_Iqf7m8xKU

Dr. Bock on Montel TODAY

I just happened upon this information that Dr. Kenneth Bock, our DAN! doctor, is going to be on Montel Williams show today. He is supposed to have one of his patients he treated. Should be interesting. You can check listings here if you are interested: http://www.montelshow.com/

Nov 13, 2007
Kenneth A. Bock, M.D., author of HEALING THE NEW CHILDHOOD EPIDEMICS:Autism, ADHD, Asthma, and Allergies, will appear on THE MONTEL WILLIAMS SHOW on Friday, November 16 (check local listings for station and time),to discuss his biomedical approach to the treatment of autism. He is joined on the show by Tracy Fox and Tina Dula. Tracy's son, Ethan, has been successfully treated for autism under Dr. Bock's care, showing dramatic improvement on a gluten free/casein free diet and nutritional supplementation. Tina Dula, of Roswell, Georgia, seeks Dr. Bock'sadvice for treatment of her son, who has been diagnosed with autism. The program discusses the effects of autism on family, outlines Dr.Bock's Healing Program and offers advice to new parents who are concerned about the meteoric rise in autism.

The Art of Multi-Tasking or Be Here Now...and Here... and Here

I always thought I was good at juggling several things at once before I had a child. Most females are. And, let's face it, being able to multi-task comes in handy when you're a mom. In fact, it's actually a prerequisite if you're going to cope with all of the new responsibilities that come with motherhood. But, when you're a mother of a child with autism, the ability to multi-task sometimes borders on the ridiculous.


Case in point: My sister called me yesterday to chat. When she asked what I was doing, I casually said, "Liberty just got home from school and I'm changing his clothes and getting him a snack, then making a pot of chili for tomorrow, and oh yeah, I have to saute the fajita filling that is marinating in the fridge for dinner tonight, and um...oh, yeah I guess I have to make graham cracker dough since it looks like Lib is out of his grahams...yeah but then I have to get back to work, today's my invoice day you know..." Long pause. In the meantime of picking up the phone to answer it, I also had just emptied two garbage cans and was pulling out some cleanser to clean both tubs. My sister says, "This is not normal." I said, "Normal left the building 5 years ago."

She was in the middle of asking me how my cold is and I am telling her how it is hanging on and I can't seem to get rid of it...by now I have walked into my son's room where I see he is climbing his bookshelf. Before it fully registers, down the bookshelf starts to come. I throw down the phone and dive for my son. He is okay, but everything is in a shambles. I pick up the phone and sit down in the rocking chair for two nanoseconds to catch my ragged breath.


I finish my conversation with my sister and walk towards the kitchen. I pass my chair in the living room with the books from the library stacked on the table beside it and and gaze at it longingly. The next thing I hear is a crash in the kitchen. I run, but it's only Liberty emptying his cars and trains on the stone floor. My nerves are shot out. So are my adrenal glands, I'm sure of it.


I throw some bacon in the microwave for Lib, throw some clothes in the washer, get the clothes out of the dryer, and get ready to start dinner. But, then I remember I have to get Liberty's supplements for the second half of the day so I get out my mortar and pestle and begin to blend and grind and mix like the true kitchen chemist that I am. I get out my syringe to begin to give him his doses (without the needle...this is really the only way I can make sure he gets the correct dose). All Lib sees is Nurse Ratchett coming towards him and he flees. I now have to catch the kid to give the supplements which will require giving him one, then going back in the kitchen to reload the syringe with the next stuff, all the while going to my notebook and making sure I WRITE ALL OF THIS DOWN so as not to forget what I have given and what I have not. He only has 13 supplements, some to be given twice a day.


Since my son is currently non-verbal, he usually grabs my hand or face and looks at me and drags me to where he wants to go and this kind of behavior makes our time together rather like a slow dance. I fall into a kind of trance after awhile, tired of hearing the sound of just my voice as I ask the same old tired questions over and over again that he never answers. He is getting better with signs and his eye contact has greatly improved, but he is still easily distractable and that rubs off on me. I cannot tell you how many times in a day I will be in the middle of my juggling act and I will stop and think, "what am I doing again?" I am starting to suffer from short-term memory loss just like Dory. "Hello. Can I help you?"


Before you know it, it's Lib's bath time, find the pajamas, figure out what he will eat for dinner, catch him to brush his teeth and get yet another bedtime supplement (zinc). I catch a glimpse of myself in the reflection in the window as the sun is going down...remember...me? I smile at myself and wave. Someday very soon...I'm taking me for a long-overdue massage.

Challenges

We've all had either the flu or a sinus infection recently so I have not had the energy to drag myself to my blog. Liberty has rallied through it all in the last week and I think I might start taking what HE is taking because certainly his immunity seems to have really been boosted this year. Last year he was sick all of the time, it seems.

Sunday, I performed his Urine Metals Challenge. Before we can begin chelation of heavy metals, we have to do a metals challenge to see if he spills metals and, if so, how much. I collected urine before I gave him one pill of DMSA, and collected all urine for six hours after giving him the pill. I have always thought he was metal-poisoned, and, apparently, his doctor thinks so, as well. At least that is the direction in which we are now headed.

Unfortunately, Lib is not yet potty trained, so I basically had to follow him around with a cup all day. He had all of his toys in the living room with The Wiggles playing over and over again. He had a ball. I blew my nose, drank coffee and held my cup expectantly. His father slept off the flu in bed most of the morning, and if he got near Lib, he was ordered to wash his hands and dip in disinfectant every 10 minutes. Lib's doctor does not want him taking any antibiotics. We were given something called Thimactive to take in place of antibiotics, and Oto-Plex if he gets an ear infection; both homeopathic medicines. I do not know how well they will work, but I have come to love homeopathy. Liberty has done very well on his cough syrup and drops which are homeopathic and made by NatraBio. I pass this information to everyone I meet because it still amazes me how well they work.

After the long morning that turned into afternoon, I finally got a shower and we took off to get some fresh air. We went to the Blackwater River and watched the boats go by for awhile and then went to the grocery store. I thought I would dream of the Wiggles and their toot-toot, chugga-chugga Big Red Car, but, thankfully I didn't. It was lights out for me as soon as he crashed for the night around 7:00.

The two urine samples were picked up by DHL this morning. Sixty bucks a piece for the pre- and post-challenge tests. The next thing on the list is the urine porphyrins and urine pterins test from the big lab in France (http://www.labbio.net/pages/index_vh_eng.htm). It's a really interesting website and I suppose one that parents have used themselves without a physician. I am not really sure what else these will tell us except it has something to do with toxic load. These two will be $200 dollars plus the express mail if I want to get the results back in time for our follow-up appointment. By the way, the one pill of DMSA was 40 bucks.

I am sending everything into our insurance company and I must say they are paying for some things but it is hard to keep track of what in particular because they break everything up. For example, there was a metabolic panel that was done and it was $800. They took all of the tests of that one lab and divided it up. I have not been able to actually see the logic yet. A nurse of the DAN! doctor we go to said that if they pay for something be grateful because if you start questioning, they flag everything you do from that point on. Someday this won't be such a struggle for parents.

I am particularly interested in what these tests will show since, my theory will either be proven right or wrong. I am sure that Liberty has been able to detox a lot through other things we have done for the past few years such as Epsom salts and supplements, the MB12 shots, etc. If we find that there are no metals, which I highly doubt, but if we do, then it will be a whole new ballgame because there is some comfort in knowing that if we find metals, we know what to do about those. But, if the result does turn out to be negative, I will have to find new paths to explore. Well, after all, that is why we got the DAN! doctor in the first place. We need someone to help at least guide this ship, and one who listens to parents. Dr. Bock respected the work I had already done and knowledge I had gleaned on my own. He expected it. He knows that when parents come to him, they have already been digging on their own for information.

It's nice to have a doctor who doesn't look at you like you are from Mars each time you open your mouth. That's refreshing.

Ages, Stages, and Objective Reality

I cracked up laughing over the post for today on Whitterer on Autism. If you haven't found Maddy's site yet, you might want to give it a look. http://whittereronautism.com/

She brought up the fact that we forget that not all behavior stems from autism. Some of it is just due to the age of the child, or the individual personality, or moving through milestones, etc.

This made me think of something else related along these lines.

A friend of mine was talking about her young son whom she has recently begun on the DAN! protocol. Her son is a couple of years younger than my son. When she tells me things that he does, it takes me back a few years. I realized how much I have forgotten that Liberty does not do anymore! Now, I see he was going through stages. At the time, I was just in pain thinking that his behaviors "would never end."

Wow, guess what? They do! And, the great part is, I can tell her that with confidence.

Though, it is true that not all children are the same and certainly not all children on the autistic spectrum are the same, they still go through their milestones, too. We just don't notice them as such because they are usually delayed. Sometimes treatments help move them along. I know when I first put Liberty on cod liver oil, I saw huge changes in eye contact. Then I got used to that level of eye contact and forgot how bad it used to be.

Our kids change before our very eyes every day, but we parents of special needs kids, we have the zoom lens pointed at them at all times each and every day and by God, we miss it. Until, that is, some kind soul comes along and points it out to us.

Were it not for people who know me and my son saying, "God, Kathi, he could not even do that last year, don't you remember?"

Hey, people, I don't! I'm too busy focusing on my son's progress under my time-lapse-photo lenses, so I perceive us to be in slow motion.

Lately, I have focused on Liberty's speech or rather, the lack of it; however, I do see that he is really begining to exhibit behaviors that are more appropriate for the NT kid, and that would be looking at a book instead of flipping through it quickly and throwing it over his shoulder; kicking a ball; playing with cars and trains instead of lining them up - although he still does that, too; loving to be outside and with other children; showing appropriate reactions and emotions when watching a video, and not putting as much stuff in his mouth like he used to!

Thanks, Maddy, for the topic today. I just had to post about it!

Halloween Success

I am so proud of my boy. Not only did he keep a collared shirt on for the

first time in his life, he also kept his Dracula cape on. He even twirled in it! Our neighbors had a graveyard and fog set up in their front yard and I have lots of pictures of Liberty sitting next to headstones surrounded by fog. But, the main thing is that this year he "got it." His dad took him trick or treating while I stayed to hand out candy.

His dad reported that, not only did he hold his trick or treat bag out for candy, he tried to say "trick or treat!" At least he got the syllables right!

I cannot tell you how HUGE this. This is progress, folks.

My heart is full.