Now for Something Completely Different

Since I have grown weary of talking about autism, the following is a list of medical transcription bloopers that has circulated for awhile, but since I am in the profession, I still get these sent to me from time to time by co-workers. Believe me, transcribing for hospitals across the country every day, I have seen even worse, not to mention some of the wild things doctors say on tape. It provides for a rather interesting window into the medical profession, and one which, on some days I would rather not have access to! Some days I just howl with laughter as I sit quietly in my office and transcribe.

Here are some mistakes made in medical charts by transcriptionists, some are funnier than others:

1. "Bleeding began in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles."
2. "Patient came in today complaining of chronic vaginal affection."
3. "Since she can't conceive I've sent her to a futility expert."
4. "Surgery will be performed under General Anastasia."
5. "I saw your patient yesterday, who's still under our car for physical therapy."
6. "I've asked him to call and let me know who he's feeling this week."
7. "There was some concern about financial matters, but the patient was told she could apply for pubic assistance."
8. "After her last child she had her tubs tied."
9. "Infection resulted after she pimped a few popples."
10. "Rectal exam reveals normal-size thyroid."
11. "Social history reveals this 1 year old patient does not smoke or drink and is presently unemployed."
12. "Patient called and left word that he had expired last week."
13. "When she fainted her eyes rolled around the room."
14. "While she was in the emergency room, she was examined, x-rated, and sent home."
15. "Prior to surgery she was prepped and raped in the usual fashion."
16. "He's rather sedentary and drives a bust all day."
17. "This chubby youngster needs a slim adult to look up to as a role model."
18. "Both her old and new noses have been placed in our album."
19. "I keep reassuring her that her memory will improve, but again today she forgot to pay her bill."
20. "Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus-sized."
21. "I told her that for the time being she'll have to bare with me."
22. "His prognosis was poor, having a massive cerebral hemorrhoid."
23. "He's a ten month old male who called on the day of admission to complain that his asthma was worse and he still has left otitis media."
24. "Patient is to remain plastered for the next 6 to 8 weeks."
25. "She got my instructions messed up and cut out all exercise and increased her sweets."
26. "Following the exam of her breasts we discussed the impending nasal surgery."
27. "...large brown stool ambulating in the hall."
28. "The patient was discharged in stale condition."