Emerging

This is a post I have been wanting to write for a very long time.

My son is finally emerging from his chrysalis.

I think that it is easy to judge and say that he is just now recovering because I see evidence of it, but the more likely reality is that it is has been happening all along, we just don't tend to believe something until we see it.

I cannot say for certain what the main catalyst has been, if there is one. We have done many things which I can list out, but in the end, Liberty's "becoming" is part of the Great Mystery.

We have a DAN! doctor. We have had him on various supplements. He has been on Diflucan for going on three months now to get rid of yeast. We know he had a bad yeast problem because the die-off symptoms were pretty bad, and because the cradle cap on his scalp is now finally resolving. I had no idea how long it takes to get rid of yeast.

We recently added spironolactone to reduce inflammation. I always start out giving my son a lower dose that what is prescribed simply because I don't know how he will react, and I can't take back something once I have given it to him.

Just about two weeks ago, we re-started therapeutic listening with a new occupational therapist who is the best he has ever had, and she started him on a different CD and has him do tasks to increase his focus and concentration.

In the last month, he has begun dressing himself, following commands, signing appropriately, beginning to say words, giving direct eye contact, and playing with age appropriate toys, engaging in pretend play, and is almost completely potty trained.

One month.

Last night, he became very angry with me when I told him he could not go outside at 8 PM - his bedtime. I showed him that it was night time and it was cold outside. This is Liberty's way of telling me that he needs to go to sleep. He loves to ride in the car, and I know that he thinks if he could just have a little ride before bedtime, he would fall asleep easily. It is also his way of fighting bedtime. He knows he is tired, but he just can't make himself get into bed.

After telling him no for the tenth time and signing no, I sat in the living room. He never took his eyes off of me, furrowed his brow, was clearly angry with me and got right up in my face. His look bored holes into my skull. I'm not kidding. Then, he tried to pinch my cheeks lightly, something he has never done, and made some kind of sound that let me know he was mad. I tapped his hands away from my face saying no, no that was not nice or some such thing, and his eyes widened in surprise, his mouth dropped open - clearly communicating to me his disbelief. "I cannot BELIEVE you won't get me what I want!" He never took his eyes off of me.

Now, I have to explain why this is a very big deal. Most of the time, Lib is looking somewhere else and he will just cry or fuss when I say no. But last night, Liberty's presence was unmistakable - it shown like a lamp around both of us. I was totally and completely stunned. He wound up kissing my face and hugging me and we walked together to his bedroom where he fell asleep almost immediately.

One month.

Perhaps part of his growth just kicked in, maybe something synapsed in his brain, a new connection made. Maybe the spironolactone did take some inflammation down.

I don't know. I will just keep doing what I do.

I asked the occupational therapist if she thought that Liberty was understanding more. She said she didn't know, that it did look like he was, but she said the bottom line was that she just acts as if he does and that I should, too.

This reminded me of the Pygmalion Effect; that is to say that expectation does influence outcome. I feel that if I hold positive expectation of what my son can do, it creates the space for him to be able to do it.

Let's just say there is a huge space around my son right now, open for miracles.