Zippity Doo Dah, It's Back to School at Last

So, Liberty went skipping off to school today. He could barely get out of bed since we have gotten up whenever we wanted to for two weeks straight. But, once I showed him his backpack and said, "Hurry up, it's time for school," he got so excited, he could not get his clothes on fast enough.

Lots of new things have occured during these last few days before school started:

1) I say bye-bye to him and he waves.
2) I can say his name and he waves.
3) I can wave at him and he waves back.
4) He is looking in a mirror. Does that seem strange? He never did this before. He will hold up his toys and watch himself and his actions now.
5) He is going to the potty BY HIMSELF more often now. I can just say, "Liberty, go to the potty," and he does. He does get distracted along the way, but he still will get up and go.
6) He stopped eating bacon. Just like that. Done. Do you realize how much money this saves us? Bacon is almost $5 a pack. (No hormones, no antibiotics, etc.)
7) He ate a new food yesterday: Chicken cacciatore. This is huge. I did not have to grind it up. Doubly huge.
8) He did reciprocal play by tickling his father yesterday.
8) I asked, "Do you want a cracker or a chip?" He never answers usually. He said, "Cackuh." Be still my beating heart.

Now, I wait with bated breath for the teacher's note home. It will either be amazing or amazingly awful.

In the meantime, hear that?

Silence. Aaaaaahhhhhh. My steaming cup of coffee. Birds outside my window. Nowhere to rush to. Toys to clean up but who cares.

Peace and quiet. I so deserve this!

HAPPY NEW YEAR and Good Luck with Your Resolutions!

Thoughts on the Day After

A few days after some mild chelation of lead (hopefully), Liberty gets up today after a nap, walks into the kitchen and says, "Eat."

Smiling, I think, are my dreams coming true or am I dreaming?

I am dazed and confused in the aftermath of Christmas, after all of the hustle and bustle and running around and checking off lists and thinking too much. We are lazing around the house, eating a little of this and that of the leftovers, punctuated by too much fudge, watching mindless TV shows and not complaining; our usual routine way off, not caring when we snooze and when we get up.

It's bliss, this lounging. I'm not used to it. Liberty was completely into Christmas, so hyper he could not sleep, wanted to do nothing but sit around the tree with his new stuff and talk to himself in the usual Liberty chatter we are used to now. He cried when the family left, so much so he would not get out of my sister's car. He waved bye-bye crying. This used to be the kid who didn't care or at least did not notice who came and went.

This is big stuff. Liberty is coming back to us. Slowly, he is changing.

We are perched at the edge of a new year drifting in the ocean of potential realities, rich with possibilities and hope.

A time for dreaming.

Merry Christmas from the Gulf Coast

Photo by Susan Feathers

Thanks Pip and Pop

Liberty has really taken an interest in the Disney Channel's Bear in the Big Blue House. It's unfortunate that it was taken off the air. But, we have a DVD of Bear with the theme of making music. There is an episode where the characters (Jim Henson muppets), Pip and Pop, "two rockin' otters" use pots and pans as musical instruments. The other night Liberty was watching and he ran past me into the kitchen. I watched him run past me again carrying a bunch of pot lids! It was so precious. He is finally making connections.

I have gotten nothing but glowing reports about his behavior and participation in class for weeks now. He even did well on the last break, as far as getting right back into the classroom structure after Thanksgiving. This time, we have two weeks off instead of one. I hope I can keep him busy and engaged during that time, and keep from losing my mind at the same time.

At school, where the structure is rigid, he eats almost everything I send to school and participates in games and initiates activities. (He got the mats out for circle time for the teacher and signed that is what he wanted!) These are all things he would not do last year at all.

But, when he comes home, he will not do a thing for me. He just wants to "hang out" and play with the 5,000 crayons and Mister Potato Head parts he places in a huge pile in his room. Even when I have tried to structure him like school, he resists. I used to feel bad about it, like he did not like being home, or he is not having as much fun at home like he does at school.

But, then I thought about it. His behavior makes sense. If you had ABA all day from 8:00 to 2:30, wouldn't you want to come home, put on comfortable clothes and do nothing but hang out?

Along the lines of cheering myself up...

I watch Elf every year now, specifically to hear Zooey Deschanel sing this song:




and this is probably my favorite scene, don't you love the music??:

Smile, Smile, Smile

I got a real lift from my friend Michelle's blog this morning. You must click over and watch a 16 minute video that will really lift your spirits. She is just one of those light-filled people I am so glad to know.

I especially loved this video because according to Abraham, the way to improve any situation is to find things to appreciate. As you focus your attention on appreciation, you begin to feel better. And when you feel good, things in your life get better. Abraham would call this coming into vibrational alignment with who you really are.

I have thought a lot about this lately. With the economy such as it is, it can be very easy to get down in the dumps; especially when you watch TV and allow the talking heads to report it over and over again. The more you talk about how bad a situation is, the more you beat the drum of something you don't want in your experience. This is a habit of mind learned in our society. We call it "facing reality." What most people don't understand is that talking about what you don't want over and over again, just produces more of the same. It keeps you stuck.

But, the moment you begin to focus on what is going right in your life, instead of what is going wrong, you begin to bring your outlook up a notch. It's like getting yourself a step stool so you can see a little higher, a little further, and broaden your ability to see beyond present circumstances, which are only temporary anyway. Then, the further you can see, the more you influence your ability to allow more possibilities and solutions to flow to you.

Each day, I have started my morning by listing what is going right in my life instead of focusing my energy on all that appears to be going wrong. It's amazing how just a small adjustment each morning can impact my day, my mood, my life. It helps me to be able to find joy in my day, in spite of my present circumstances. And that is the trick, isn't it?

I have never forgotten what the philosopher Kahlil Gibran, wrote in The Prophet: "You shall be free indeed when your days are not without a care nor your nights without a want and a grief, but rather when these things girdle your life and yet you rise above them naked and unbound."

I can say this with confidence after 49 years on the planet learning the same lessons over and over again: When you seek to find joy first, no matter the present circumstance, you begin to feel better. When you feel better, you begin to attract better-feeling circumstances into your life.

It's the Law of Attraction in action.

So, if you can take about 20 minutes out of your day, do yourself a favor and go watch the video on Michelle's blog today. I guarantee you will be smiling the rest of your day! :)

Casein, Seizures and Taurine

I wrote this summer that I was seeing odd behavior in my son, something that I thought could be brain blips, something seizure-like. We took Liberty to a neurologist and they botched the entire procedure because they gave him Benadryl without asking me. These people just assume that Benadryl works for all children and makes then sleepy. A pharmacist told me once that Benadryl has a paradoxical effect in many children and can make them bounce off the walls.

Anyway, I had Liberty in summer camp at the time, and had been letting him have yogurt. They liked him manding for yogurt and began to give him two cups a day. That is when I started seeing the behavior. When I stopped the yogurt, the behavior ceased.

I told Dr. Bock this at our last appointment and he thought it was very significant; in fact he was rather stunned.

I looked up epilepsy and dairy products, and there is a lot of information about it. One of the treatments for epilepsy is a gluten free, casein free diet. Did you know that?

Below is a clip I found on another blog, Schuyler's Monster, that shows absence seizures. Can you spot them? The little girl has four of them. She will stop, look up, and there is a little bit of swallowing or mouth movement. That is exactly what my son did this summer. He would get very sleepy afterward, too. I dreamed around that time of Lib having these God-awful seizures and convulsions so that was confirmation for me that I was seeing actual seizures. These seizures, though not really harmful in themselves, do need to be controlled because they can lead to bigger seizures. Absence seizures are called petit mal seizures and the more overt seizures are grand mal seizures or the type we usually think of as seizures. As you can see, if you did not know what you were looking for, they are easy to miss.

I started Liberty on the amino acid taurine which has been used for prevention of seizures for a very long time and is a common supplement for the biomedical treatment of autism. I believe it helps absorb some other nutrients and is typically low in children with autism. It won't stop a seizure when one is occurring, but does help prevent them. So far, we have had no more of that type of behavior and have avoided medication.

Prayers

Woke this morning to a very loud noise. I was sleepy and stumbling toward the coffee pot. It crossed my mind briefly that it sounded like a gunshot. Then I thought it was just the highway in the distance, sound travels further in the cold morning air.

Later in the morning, my husband came back in and told me there were police cars and tape and ambulances on the street behind us. A man blew his brains out in his backyard. He was 46 years old. I did not know him, but I did wave to him when I went on my walks around the neighborhood.

I don't know if it was because of a loss of a job or the details. I do know that the media is adding fuel to the fire on an already tense time for so many people by the steady stream of reporting on the economy and loss of jobs (which is real, of course). But we are just bombarded to death with the "bad news." Couple that with Christmas approaching and I assume it's just too much for some people.

So, I light candles for us all today.

My heart goes out to the man and his family and so many others like him who must have been in despair. Just the news that the gunshot I heard took the life of someone at that moment was enough to double me over in tears. My husband and I, too, are experiencing some temporary financial setbacks right now, and he said let's just remind ourselves to keep this all in perspective and focus on the things we still do have and not what we have lost.

That's the way we get through some tough times. Focus on what is still good, what remains. The more we do that, the better things are able to become. Perhaps he had no support.

Let us focus our prayers and practice sending waves of love and support into the world this season. We all need it.

So, the bus driver says...

This morning, Lib ran for the bus. He stopped to look at our bus driver, Terry. She said, "Good morning, Liberty. How are you this morning?" To which my sweet child looked her in the eye and replied, "Good."

I waved good-bye to her with both of our mouths agape.

It's gonna be a great day.

For you, Dad, to officially kick off the Christmas Season!

'Tis the Season to Lose Your Mind

Will someone please tell me, what in God's name we have come to? A Wal-mart employee trampled to death by shoppers? It's enough to make me want to cancel Christmas this year.

Back by Popular Demand

Here ya go, Barb!

Stem Cells

I was sent this video by another autism mom. I have never watched the show, The Doctors, but on this show is a little boy who had cerebral palsy. He participated in a stem cell transplant research study, and he has recovered.

We banked Liberty's cord blood at birth and pay $50 a year for storage. You may have seen the cord blood kits which are very popular to give at a baby shower now.

It used to be that you could not find a doctor to use the stem cells unless you went to Costa Rica. Even Dr. Bock was impressed that we had the cells, though he said we would have to wait for technology to catch up.

Perhaps technology is catching up faster than we thought. I have no idea about the red tape involved, but I am sure there has been plenty. But, now, with a new president and new research, we might be able to use Lib's cord blood by participating in a study.

Who knows what the implications are for neurological injury with the use of stem cells? I'm sure you remember the late Christopher Reeve who advocated stem cell study, along with Michael J. Fox.

Here's the video. I thought it was exciting enough to share here on the blog.

Woof, Woof!

Click on over to my good blogger friend, Michelle's blog today. She and her husband are in the process of obtaining a service dog for their darling daughter, Riley. Service dogs do not come cheaply, as they undergo a training process to meet the specific needs of the child they are going to serve. Apparently, these pups have done wonders for many children, helping them get along in their daily lives, to feel safe and develop confidence. These dogs can anticipate meltdowns and tantrums, too. They exert a calming influence on children who have difficulty regulating their senses.

Michelle has a story of a little boy and his service dog on her site today. These animals are angels, in my opinion, given the support and love they provide our children. We are looking for a doggie ourselves, although not a service dog, but a dog to encourage speech in my own child.

Fundraising is in process to obtain their dog and begin getting him or her trained. Please give from your hearts and help, if you can, to speed a puppy to sweet Riley!

Thanks.

Reciprocity, Blessings, and Christmas

Lib came home the other day and suddenly went for my feet, grabbing at them. He knocked me on the bed and I thought there was something about my socks he didn't like. (Certain textures even on someone else can really bug him). But, then I realized...he was tickling me! So, I tickled his feet and he tickled mine. He was participating in a tickle game with me!

Sure enough, I got a note from the teacher that day that said Lib enjoyed lots of hugs and tickling in school. Do you love this woman as much as I do?

This is a big deal as anyone with a child with autism knows. Reciprocal play is one of the coveted goals in school and in therapy.

As if that wasn't enough to send me into spasms of happiness, Lib's teacher said he actually participated in a game the other day. Something called Puppy Racers. An actual game.

Then, in adaptive PE, he started mimicking the stretches the teacher was leading them in. I have never in my life seen him do this. Lib's teacher said she attended adaptive PE that day and watched him learn to jump with both feet on a fulcrum that had a bunch of bean bags on the other end, and apparently, he was delighted when he watched the bags fly off the other end. Even when he jumps on the bed, his feet are not in tandem.

Later, at home, I watched him fly around the house and try to jump with both feet and giggle. The PE teacher said she had never seen Lib participate like he did that day.

This is the feedback you live for.

You know, watching Liberty these days is like watching a butterfly emerge from a chrysalis. Or maybe it's more like The Invisible Man becoming visible. First a finger, then a hand. I remember when he could not not jump, could not even run, and would not hold onto a swing. It was is if he wasn't fully present, one foot in two different worlds.

Now, I'm enjoying great eye contact every day. I see him glance over his shoulder at me furl his eyebrows, trying to catch what I just said. He searches my face for meaning now.

This is real progress for my boy. Still, I have to guard myself right now from comparing him too much to neurotypical children.

All over the television right now are advertisements of "the perfect Christmas" where tiny children are recording their voices saying "Merry Christmas" to grandparents. It always gets to me. I look at the child to see if I can guess how old he or she is and what it would have been like if things had been different - if Lib had been talking at that age.

I was in Wal-mart (unfortunately) today and Lib wanted to walk down the toy aisle. There was a child, probably 3 or 4 years old, happily conversing with his mother, saying "I have to have this for Christmas, Mommy." And she would ask him the names of the toys and he would respond. I feel my heart start to sink when this happens. If I allow myself to go there, I will fall into a funk.

I must keep my eyes on the positive. Is the glass half full or half empty? Do I have reason to hope or is all lost? Can it always be worse? Is today all we have to appreciate everything? This is the dialogue I begin when my Emotional Self climbs up onto the ledge again, trembling.

Yes, I am happy that my son is doing so well and he's so healthy.

But, for me, 'tis the Season of Talking to Myself - a lot.

Wash Your Hands, I'm Begging You!

Did you know this could happen?

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

I can tell that winter is really here in my neck of the woods when our banana trees turn brown. One day green, next day rusty brown.

We had a real cold snap last week and even though I covered up my tomatoes that were just flourishing last week, all green and gorgeous, they all died. I picked the last of the green tomatoes this morning. Hope I'll want lots of fried green tomatoes for breakfast.

This morning, I was lopping off the dead heads of my long-running zinnias and tiny marigolds and putting the seeds in a bag for next year. They had just been sporting gorgeous purple, orange and yellow blossoms the day before.

Last night, I eagerly watched Life on Mars. A cliffhanger. Then I heard the announcer say, "Tune in January 28th for more Life on Mars....."

January. 28. th.

Can you believe this? I finally find a show I'm addicted to and then...they're putting on Lost or something like that for the holidays. Does this make sense?

Here today, gone tomorrow.

I bought a lot of my Thanksgiving Day dinner ingredients to prepare for a huge meal that will be gobbled down in one day next week.

And, Liberty is off for a whole week next week as soon as he gets off the bus.

A. Whole. Week.

Freedom today, freedom gone all next week! Then it's three weeks of school and two weeks off for Christmas break.

AAggHH.

Yep, it's winter all right. It comes in overnight on the Gulf Coast.

Oh---see this? Edy's Limited Edition Peppermint Ice Cream?

It IS here today but it will definitely be gone tomorrow!! I assure you.

You Gotta Have Faith

Amazing video on Oprah of Faith, the dog who walks on two legs!

Don't Touch That Dial

This morning Liberty climbed into bed with me. I got up to make coffee and the alarm went off before I got back to the bedroom. The "alarm" is just the radio coming on. I walked in and went to turn it off, lest my son have an irritability meltdown from the noise, even though it was turned down low. A little hand grabbed my wrist and stopped me in mid-action. He looked at me with wonder as if to say, "Momma, someone's talking to me!" He laid there and listened to a morning show and music. No meltdowns, no covering of ears. Just happy, lying back in bed listening. He bounded happily off to school this morning.

Ya just never know.

The Bucket List

Did anybody see this? I never go to the movies anymore, and I did not rush to rent it. I thought it would be too "cutesie" and predictable. Then I saw that Rob Reiner directed it and I rented. Lib took an early nap yesterday and we got a chance to see this movie. It was much more than I thought it would be. Very enjoyable. What a great team these two are. Loved the message, too.

Read Kiddo Read

Here is a new site created by author, James Patterson, to get children interested in reading. Even though my own son is not reading, I come from a family of avid readers and began reading at a young age. I enjoyed it because my family and school provided some great books to get me hooked. My library card was and still is one of my most prized possessions.

Patterson's site is called Read Kiddo Read. The recommended books are divided by age group and give a synopsis and show a picture of each book. It looks like a wonderful resource, so I am sharing it here on my blog.

I am currently reading Edgar Sawtelle, trying to catch up with the rest of the world who has read it and told me how fabulous it is. I am reading at a snail's pace these days, though, with so much to do each day, I just fall into bed each night.

I'm in Love with Sam Tyler

This is my new favorite show. I have not had a show on prime time tv that I have raced to watch every week in years.

Imagine how much the world has changed since 1973...no cell phones, no DNA testing, no internet or computers...it's fascinating. And the music from the seventies, well, let's just say without telling my age I can relate with many happy memories.

Ray Carling of Sopranos fame is fabulous.

And Harvey Keitel...you've gotta love Harvey and his "Harveyisms."


Okay, there's more, I can't help it! More about 1973.

Veterans Day

My father, who, today is 91 years young, is standing at the end of the line on the right in front of his plane he flew during World War II. He is a HERO to us, having experienced many harrowing missions during the war, including his plane almost being shot down, and landing safely on only two engines. My dad was an excellent pilot and he is just a wonderful human being and father. As a child, I used to hang on his every word as he told about his experiences during World War II. Okay, I still do! It was a time that none of us my age and younger can really imagine. We need to keep these stories alive.

This very plane in the picture above is now housed at the March Field Museum in California, completely restored. I recorded my father talking about his missions in this plane and they actually have a button you can push in the museum with my father's voice explaining and talking about his time in the military! How awesome is that?

Here is a piece that my wonderful sister/writer published for a tribute to Veterans Day in honor of all veterans, and especially, our veteran father. Please check out Susan's blog today. The picture on the blog of the planes in the air was taken from my father's airplane long ago during a mission.

And, it's only fitting that you read the introduction to my incredibly talented sister's memoir in progress about my own family's experience with the military lifestyle.

The Return of Nemo

You've heard me talk about this before and from the comments I have received, apparently many of you agree, that there is something magical or mystical about the movie, Finding Nemo. Each time my son wants to watch it, which is rarely, it signals some sort of cognitive leap.

Sunday, around 4 AM, I am awakened by a little hand and something square poking me in the ribs. Liberty stands there talking in non-stop gibberish and he's holding a DVD in his hand. He is up, raring to go, and wants to watch Finding Nemo. Even though I'm still in a slumbery fog, something in the back of my mind tells me that this day will be different.

And it was.

Yesterday, Liberty was the most engaged he has ever been. His eye contact, his demeanor, his understanding was really different - better. He had chili and chips for lunch and as he ate his chips, he said, "Chip, chip, chip..."

His pronunciation of "Daddy" is now very clear. Daddy does lots of rough and tumble play with him and lots of jumping. Liberty follows him around, not wanting to let him out of his sight when he is home. Libby is signing jump regularly at home and even at school now.

My sister came over and gave him lots of horsie back rides and he stuck to her like glue. He told her to "get up," at one point. (Aunt Susan, get up and give me a ride! I hope she can walk today). They went to swing on the swing set and Liberty sat her down in the swing and tried to push her. Reciprocal play? Wow. A first!

As usual, I'm never sure why these changes occur suddenly, though I'd love to know. I'd give anything to have that magic formula to keep it all going forward, but obviously it is out of my power. I'm just the support, the cheerleader, the advocate, and The Giver of Supplements.

I will tell you that, we changed the formula for the methyl-B12 shots and find it to be better. He's not out of it afterwards like before. So perhaps he is methylating better.

Also, I have really worked on his diet adding in fresh juices, especially spinach and pear. But, yesterday, I added cilantro to the juice. I was out of pear and I juiced a pretty good amount of spinach and cilantro and added a little apple to sweeten it. He loved it. I also added cilantro to the chili, just fresh, not cooked so it would not lose it's punch. Cilantro has been shown to remove mercury from the body.

I just found a recipe for a "detox pesto" that incorporates cilantro and brazil nuts. Brazil nuts are the highest in selenium which removes mercury. I'm still working on that one, gathering ingredients. I will let you know what I come up with.

I have also begun using only Xylitol to sweeten things and the milk I use now is Hemp Milk. I make a pretty good chocolate pudding that is sugar-free and packed with calcium and protein from the hemp milk which is made from hemp nuts. It's a creamier milk that rice or almond and it has a lot of Omega fatty acids in it. I also am making graham crackers and animal crackers using only Agave syrup as a sweetener which has a very low glycemic index. If you haven't tried Agave syrup, you're missing out. It is a lovely syrup that comes from a cactus. It has a mildly sweet flavor and it comes in light or dark (amber) forms. I am doing all of this to help keep yeast down. And I doubled up on the probiotic, NuFerm, probably my favorite supplement next to cod liver oil.

Libby did not crash last night until around 7:30 PM which is unusual to have such a long day with no nap. It was such a great day for him and long overdue. He was just a happy little boy all day long.

I have a small figurine of Nemo that is going up on my alter today. I think he deserves an exalted place right next to Quan Yin.

Yes We Did!

A new day dawns. I am so proud.

V O T E for positive change today

An "Aha" Moment

Some of you are familiar with Byron Katie, the originator of what she calls "The Work," which is four questions you ask yourself in order to turn a problem around. She says we are only reacting to our thoughts about reality and not reality itself. Anyway, there is a certain process you go through to arrive at a place of serenity with the problem.

Listen as this father brings his problem to her table: "I am angry at God because I have a special needs son." The turnaround for me was immediate.

By the way, the father is reading off a list he wrote of things he feels angry about, and then Byron steps in and questions him until he can "turn it around." You can hear the relief in his voice.

MP3 download here >>

I find this oddly comforting...

Quan Yin, The Goddess of Compassion, found among Lib's toys in his room. He loves her and is always swiping her from my alter.

You can read about her here, but I found this line about her particularly moving: "Quan Yin is a shortened form of a name that means One Who Sees and Hears the Cry from the Human World. Her Chinese title signifies, "She who always observes or pays attention to sounds," i.e., she who hears prayers..."

Oh Yes, very comforting indeed.

Who Knew?

Remember the lovely woman who was Liberty's teacher at camp? I found out on Saturday that she is married to Chief White Antelope. We went to a festival this weekend and there she was decked out in full regalia. She never mentioned it.




http://www.firstnationsintertribal.com/about.html

Aftermath

Lib had a great Halloween. He wore a long Dracula cape. He laughed and he only covered his ears occasionally. We took him trick or treating and he held his bag out for candy, though he doesn't really get excited about that because he doesn't eat candy. He was more interested in ringing the bell and looking in people's houses and sometimes trying to push past them to take a look. He really had fun, though, and that makes me feel great. He was very social, gave great eye contact, and skipped and laughed to himself all night about it all, long after we had called it a night.

Our neighbors had the usual graveyard and fog and I supplied the entire neighborhood with a CD I made of soundtracks from Alfred Hitchcock and Twilight Zone replete with spooky sounds like witch's cackles, tolling bells and rattling chains. By 9:00, we'd had enough though. The funniest thing was that I had bought large glow-in-the-dark tarantulas for my spider's web I strung over the porch, but I was afraid to touch them! In fact, they scared me so much, I had to use salad tongs to put them in the web! I really freaked my own self out.

To say I have a tootsie roll hangover is an understatement. I never want to see a piece of sugar again until the Christmas fudge.

I think Liberty is going through a phase and he is progressing through milestones. If I look at my super tall six-year-old child as a six-year-old, I see how behind he is. If I look at him as a 3 1/2 year old though, he is appropriate. And, he said some words this weekend.

Yesterday we were at a festival in the park selling my husband's t-shirts he makes and I took him to the swings and he said, "get down" when he wanted off the swing. He has mimicked some things I have done, too. He has this gibberish going non-stop and words seem to pop through. All very encouraging!

Well, the calendar is already marked up with all of the days Lib has off from school. The holidays are in full swing now, there is no turning back. I made the mistake of going to Walmart today and heard Karen Carpenter's voice over the radio blasting out "chestnuts roasting on an open fire..." as I made my way through the metallic pink and blue Christmas trees on display. They waste no time. When I was a kid, we really got into Thanksgiving. I don't remember seeing so much Christmas stuff until right before the Thanksgiving Holiday. We had to have our Macy's day parade and stuff ourselves silly with turkey and watch football. Only then did we turn our attention to Christmas.

Now it seems we rush right past it. No time for gratitude, let's sell some stuff!

I'm resting in my little cozy safe space for awhile replenishing my energy for the holidays, and I don't want to hear how many more days until Christmas! Sheesh.

Happy Halloween Everybody!

Where Did My Sweet Boy Go?

Something has changed.

Lib doesn't like to be told no, won't obey me, and screeched and screams when he doesn't get his way.

Is this some phase he is going through? He got mad because I would not let him take all of the items stored in our bathroom vanity out and play with them. These would include shampoo bottles, soap, little travel-sized items and my make-up. I cannot count how many times I sent him to his room after I counted to three and he would not clean up his mess. This morning, he got up and the first thing he did was head for our bathroom vanity to begin taking items out. And, if it's not that, then its DVDs. I have had to put up lots of items around the house just so they won't be made available to him to display this dumping behavior. He likes to dump and then take each item, observe it, rub it on his lips and put it behind him in stack.

I don't get it. Somebody stole my kid and left Dennis the Menace in his place.

Horse Love

Saturday, we took Liberty to the Equestrian Center out in the country, about 30 minutes from where we live. I heard that a group called The Leaning Post Ranch was going to be there. They teach special needs children with varying disabilities to ride horses. I don't completely understand how the riding of a horse can be therapeutic, but it was explained to me that the horse's movements are similar to the child's and, especially in those children with sensory integration problems, the horse can help to stabilize or regulate them. Not only do the children learn to ride a horse, but they also participate in the care of the horse they ride with activities such as grooming.

That's a simplified description of a program I have yet to learn more about.

Meanwhile, I walked around the grounds and found the woman who runs the program. A beautiful woman with long flowing white hair loosely tied in a ribbon, and intense marble-blue eyes dressed in brown gauchos and riding boots. I have to tell you I was really drawn to her.

I told her a little bit about my son. She asked me if I wanted to try him with a horse and see how he does. Well, Liberty was hungry and he had not been interested in the petting zoo or any of the other horses that were being shown for adoption or sale that day. The humane society was even there with puppies and he really was not the least bit interested. So, I agreed hesitantly, and told her that Lib was either tired or having an "off" day and so I really was unsure of how he would react.

We walked to the stables and stopped in front of a stall with a sign on the outside that read, "Minnie - Therapy Horse." This horse was anything but small. She was a very large, sort of pale brown with mottled dark brown to black spots scattered about her skin. Actually, she was a very beautiful horse. The woman put a pretty purple rope bridle around her muzzle and held her steady as my husband carried Lib into the stall with Minnie. I watched as my son, immediately and without hesitation, reached out and touched her! My hand flew to my mouth and my eyes filled with tears. Liberty smiled and made some sounds and then he leaned into the horse's thick neck and mane. I tell you I about fainted. It was such a beautiful moment. The woman turned to me and smiled and said, "See? She's a therapy horse. The horse knows the child is different." I told her this seemed kind of like a dolphin experience and she said, "It's exactly like that! The horse knows what the child needs."

I walked out of the stables on a high.

I hope to be taking my son to learn to ride a horse soon. But, first, we deal with the wearing of a helmet. That oughta keep us busy for awhile.

More to come...

"It's th' unblessed food that makes you fat." *

I first found Edward Espe Brown, a Buddhist monk and chef, when I was given his Tassajara Bread Book in the 1980s. I learned how to make all kinds of bread from that wonderful book. He put out a video last year and this is a clip from it.

Since I have been working in the kitchen coming up with juicing recipes and smoothie recipes and figuring out how to get good food into my child who has texture issues, coupled with a horrendous bout of intestinal flu last week I suddenly came down with...my appreciation of food in general, my kitchen, and preparing meals has greatly increased.

Liberty is doing great. The kid with chronic constipation for two years is moving his bowels on a daily basis. Yes. A daily basis. I am making pear + spinach + a little apple juice in the mornings for him. I am adding Hemp Powder to smoothies. I added flax seed oil to the regimen. I added a supplement called MagC. All of this has worked, but in case you didn't know, like me, pear juice is fantastic for constipation. See how just that tiny bit of information could have changed my life a few years ago? (By the way, I'm using a Jack LaLane juicer I bought from an infomercial after Lib was born and did not hardly use, go figure).

Liberty looks happier. I'm happier knowing my child is eating WELL. I have found that it doesn't take much to get the benefits of juices, vegetable or fruit, so buying organic produce can last longer. It's actually starting to be fun.

I am beginning to treat my kitchen as sacred ground and my food preparation, a prayer!

* quote from At Home in Mitford series

Hen's Teeth

On the phone with Lib's new doctor, we hang up. She calls back again, she looked at some labs and forgot to ask one thing. We talk for 30 minutes, asking questions of each other, kicking around ideas, talking about our plan.

Happens all the time, right?

Not.

As my father would probably say, good doctors, at least wise ones, patient and kind ones, the ones who treat you as an equal with respect...are as scarce as hen's teeth.

More to follow. Let's just say I'm juicing up a storm and things are starting to move along.

Knock me over with a feather...

I now have a doctor who calls me at home to check on my son.

We are in the process of juicing and I just started giving Lib the flax seed oil. We're hoping for things to get moving if you catch my drift. (I'm sparing you more potty talk).

So far, he has had three fabulous days at school. I started giving Curcumin faithfully last Friday when I got to thinking about what I heard at a talk by a DAN doctor. She said, "Ten years from now, autism will be called the disease of inflammation." Curcumin was prescribed by Dr. Bock as an anti-inflammatory but there were so many other supplements I was trying to give, I let if fall by the wayside. I have since cut out more than half of his supplements, focusing only on anti-oxidants, fatty acids, probiotics, and now this anti-inflammatory.

After I started giving it to him, I noticed my son seems calmer, and he's been sleeping like a log! I'll keep you posted on this.

I was telling a friend of mine, we are so focused on all of these parts of recovery: metals, yeast, constipation/diarrhea, pica, etc. Yet, we forget that all of these things together have resulted in inflammatory processes in the body. So, maybe, this is a missing part. Our new doctor told us that the flax seed oil is also an anti-inflammatory. She told me she uses it like butter on everything! Wow. I don't know if I'd go that far, but wow.

Anyway, isn't it GREAT that she called?? I'm liking this woman more and more.

Further Down the Road of Recovery

I took Lib to the new DAN doctor in our little town. Actually, it's another little town past our little town, but all in all it's basically in what you would still call "the country." You'd never expect to find an alternative clinic here that has been quietly offering chelation for 10 years. You just never know what is in your backyard.

The clinic also offers hyperbaric chambers and infrared sauna.

But, that's not why we went. We went to see this doctor, to get Lib established with a developmental pediatrician and the fact that she just got DAN-certified was icing on the cake.

Insurance? Not this appointment but praise GOD, she is going to be on board with insurance next month. A miracle for us! The appointment was expensive and I sucked wind writing the check, but she charged half of what Dr. Bock charged us on our first visit. It's highway robbery, really. I'm sure she is getting insurance because she would not have any patients - who can afford this stuff? It's just so wrong. Here we have an epidemic of ungodly proportion and nothing is covered. We are just so fortunate that we can even go to a DAN and we have had lots of help from family. Oh yes, where would we be without a loving family?

Anyway, do I like her? Yes. She is vegan. She LIVES a "green" life. She is big on learning to eat right and well, and she dislikes pharmaceutical companies. She said she would use a drug if warranted, but will try at all times to do everything naturally to get the body to work properly on its own. She is a new kid on the block in the world of DAN, but she is pretty knowledgeable and I think she is going to add a nice dimension to our "team" here. I still have our Dr. Bock on board and I do still appreciate him, but perhaps we will be able to space our appointments with him out longer now until we eventually turn our care over to someone local.

This new doctor likes the fact that Bock is willing to use homeopathic remedies and natural supplements and probiotics from fermented foods, etc. I don't even know if she has read both of his books The Road to Immunity or Healing the New Childhood Epidemics, but I am willing to lend them to her. I am not touting him as the "best" doctor by any means, but he surely knows a lot about not only autism but asthma, ADHD and allergies and so does his brother who is an expert in Lyme disease.

Our new doc said, absolutely no chelation until the bowels move every day! She has me making smoothies for breakfast with hemp protein powder and flax seed oil, and "green" juices in the afternoon sweetened with fruit or Agave syrup. (I have to give Lib these through a syringe, but who cares?) Dr. Bock gave us a fiber supplement, but the new DAN says she wants fresh organic enzymes going in Lib's little body, not just substitutes.

Although, she DID give us one supplement called MagC and last night, my son moved his bowels on his own for the first time in a very long time! She said that lots of the stimming we are seeing could be just from being backed up with toxins. She wants to see how his behavior changes with the nutritional changes and the daily elimination.

As for chelation, our DAN doctor in NY wants to use DMSA suppositories. I have read different methods and I like the Cutler protocol which uses DMSA but takes the half-life of the drug into account, so you are chelating more frequently on chelation days so the metals don't get re-absorbed. And you introduce ALA which crosses the blood-brain barrier and pulls metals from the brain. Dr. Bock said we have to be careful with yeast being kicked up when we add this in so he said to double up on our probiotic.

The new DAN here thinks we can get the metals out naturally and she has several methods she reeled off to me. I told her that most of us want the "big guns" of chelation (DMSA, EDTA, etc.) simply because we have been on this road for so long and the metals have been in so long. We are scared, we want the gunk out! But, I did see that you have to be careful. I should not have given my son any of the herbal Heavy Metal Detox the herbalist gave us until he was eliminating properly. This stuff contained ALA and NAC and cilantro among others. I saw immediate improvement as I blogged about before because I'm sure he was detoxifying, but then I saw some bad stimming and screaming and disturbed sleep ... we believe because the metals got reabsorbed.

So be careful! Herbs are powerful, too. I see that. The herbalist told me to change Lib's diet and he really should have said for me to do that first and get the bowels moving before I attempted the detox for metals.

But, it's okay. We are moving forward. We are learning. My son is doing well in the middle of the God-awful stimming that has cropped up recently, so I am encouraged. I will stay the course.

Lots of people have told me that I am one of the "warriors" that Jenny talks about, but I really dislike the word. I like the word advocate better. Warrior to me reminds me of all of the pain associated with the diagnosis: The vaccine incidents themselves, the doctors whose ears were closed to me, the desperation and search for help for my son, the sifting through tons of information, wondering what was reliable and what was not.

So, I consider myself an advocate for my son. I've been there and done that and spoken to that person and read from that group. My new DAN here talked about her "smart moms," and how we are the ones teaching the doctors. She actually said that to me! And, for the first time, I looked at her and I said, "Yes. That's right. We are educating you and we have a lot to learn together." She said, "We (referring to doctors in general) were not there for you and have not been there for you for a long time, but hopefully the tide is turning."

God, I pray it's so.

Airport Security

Firsts

Liberty's dad calls last night from the shop and hears Lib chattering away in the background at home. "Put him on the phone," he says. I put the phone up to Lib's ear and for the first time when he hears his daddy's voice, he leans into the phone intently. When I say to him, "Say bye-bye to Daddy," he kisses the phone.

Last night, he looked at me and said, "Mah-ee."

The purple circles are gone from underneath his eyes. His appetite is the best it's ever been. His gut is healing.

Think we got the right herbs. I will never doubt muscle testing again.

And, to the reader who wrote me months ago and begged me to try muscle testing, thank you. I never forgot what you said.