A New Leaf

I came down with a 24-hour stomach flu. It lasted exactly 24 hours from 6 AM Wednesday morning until 6 AM this morning. Whenever this happens, I am reminded of how much falls apart when I am not up to par. My husband works hard, but he is out there slogging in the fields in two jobs (we're both self-employed). He works about 30 minutes or so away, not bad, and he would come home if I really needed him too. Still. I have taken care of the child for 24/7 now and I know the ins and outs of the day. I also know where everything is and how to work the various remote controls. Trust me, this is sacred knowledge in our house. I know how all of the machinery around the house works and am apparently responsible for their upkeep. My husband is a very smart man; he, is, however, electronically challenged. I also have acquired a new responsibility of "catching" the washing machine when it gets off balance which is each and every day without fail because it is needs to be repaired and has been since, say, last Fall.

Like so many other moms, I keep the homefires burning and the ship running smoothly. Usually. Luckily, I got over my sickness within a day. I feel so helpless though when there is so much to be done and all I want to do is sleep.

Anyway, thank God for stamina and good genes. I got right back into my routine today, even though the whole time I was sick I was vowing to change my life: eat better, slow down, nap more, put myself on a schedule, stop eating cookie dough ice cream, etc. I need to turn over a new leaf. I was in mid-trot today through the house (much like Edith Bunker's) when I realized that I am not seeing this as an opportunity to change. I don't want the same routine, because the same routine almost killed me this summer.

So, I vow to find a new yoga teacher (mine left town for greener pastures), get my back straightened out again with chiropractic care and massages, and make a schedule for myself where I actually get 10 minutes to do FUN things like play my guitar, write in a journal, read a chapter out of a book, etc. I have decided to buy a new pair of tap shoes and go to an adult tap class no matter how much I fear falling off my shoes. I need to get back into the game of life. My Life. My life has been mixed with Liberty's for so long, I didn't notice it disappearing.

I know with some creativity on my part, I can come up with some kind of structure where I can fit in some personal time. I've been too tired to think about it, though, lately. School has started and here I have from 7:30 AM until 2:15 PM without the child. I should be doing all kinds of things, but instead I feel like I'm moving through quicksand and I lose my memory a lot and tend to stare for long periods of time out the window.

Honestly, though, if I tune into my Higher Self, I know things will fall into place eventually. I know it takes time to get into a new routine and I am probably just exhausted from the aftermath of the summer and need time to recover. I think its kind of like a potter's wheel. The wheel spins round and round even when the potter's foot is off the pedal and it has to wind down until it eventually stops. This thought makes me happy. Perhaps it's not old age or menopausal symptoms after all! (Okay, maybe I'm going a bit too far). Perhaps its not the aging process seeming to be rapidly accelerating or the be-donk-a-donk butt that is manifesting. No: It's just sheer mental and physical exhaustion. I'm just plain ol' tired and need to allow myself to just BE for awhile. For once, I'm going to allow myself to just BE for as long as I need to without guilt and without the need to plan anything. Ahhh, it feels so good already.