I can barely open my email anymore, or visit a blog, without bursting into tears these days.How many? How many more children will be lost to autism? How many will actually die from vaccines? When in hell is anything going to be done? Then there are the ignorant idiots who happen to have their own (3rd popular in the US) radio show who feel free to say things like autism does not exist and that these kids are just brats whose parents don't discipline them.
THAT gets in the news.
I weep often. I weep for my own child into whom I pour all of my precious energy to recover. I want to DO something about it all, but I can't. All I can do is talk to people who cross my path, write to representatives, pray, read blogs, pray some more. I could not afford to attend the march on Washington with Jenny and Jim. Lots of conferences I'd like to go to, financially, we just cannot afford to do it.
To be honest, to read about all of the parents experiencing HELL on earth right now because their children have disappeared before their eyes, who cannot work anymore because they have become their children's caretakers instead of parents, who are crying and angry and want someone to pay for taking their beautiful, healthy children away...well, I can't take it anymore. I cannot read about it. I lose my footing, I break down into a sobbing mess and I cannot function the way my family needs me to. It rips my heart out. I could fall into a big hole of blackness if I really did not watch out - if I was not vigilant every day to look for something good. I just could not get out of bed in the morning.
I fall into despair each time I read more of the horrors that are being done to our CHILDREN and the fact that our government IS LETTING THIS HAPPEN. The fact that TOMATOES are in the news and NOT OUR SICK CHILDREN. The fact that the DRUG MANUFACTURERS have such power. They are killing our children.
How many people know about the beautiful 17 year old girl who just died from the Gardasil vaccine? In fact, many children have died from that vaccine or been paralyzed.
Or the kids in South America who are FORCED to be vaccinated though many are dying from the vaccines (a test vaccine)?
We are being lied to every day. We outlawed the cigarette commercials, we need to get the damned drug company commercials off the television, as well. But, they are TOO POWERFUL.
I don't know about you, but it's getting harder and harder for me to feel safe.
I just got an email from an autism society in Tennessee talking about the link between MSG and obesity, and all of the crap in our food that is allowed to go by a different name but is still the excitotoxin MSG...or how about the fact that many known toxic additives don't have to be listed at all?
I tell you, I don't know what to do. Someone referred to this age as the holocaust for our children.
How many? How many have to be hurt before someone hears us?
I THANK GOD each and every day that I at least have a supportive family, that I at least have a DAN doctor I have the privilege of complaining about when I think he is not doing the right thing for my son, or I am confused because the literature and what he is saying do not match up, or that my husband can work his butt off just so we can afford to even talk to a DAN doctor.
How fortunate am I that I am at least walking on what I believe to be a path toward recovery?
It's still the parents who are helping each other. But, as I have heard said so many times before, we don't want any more families in our club.
Still, I will cry a river for all of our children and the parents who are left to try to clean up the mess.
6 comments:
I know, it's so disheartening. I've found I can't read the paper or listen to the news, it only makes me despair, and I cannot afford to despair!
I have a hard time reading your postings.... they are saturated with anger and desperation! I do not need my son to be "recovered". He is beautiful the way he is!!! He is my hero!
My 5 year old finds joy in simple things, a butterfly, a ride on the hay wagon, seeing the fish at the zoo. All children ( I have 3) have "first" momments, but his are the most memoriable! Like the first time he said "Mama",at 3.
My favorite "first"... the first time he said "Mama, I love you" without being prompted. It happend this summer, he had been in HUGH trouble, and I was ready to disipline him, that is when he said it! "Mama.... I love you", sealed with a hug! It worked, he just got a direct eye to eye talk (which he hates).
He is our oldest. I could easily be like you, but my second came along, and then the third. My son and daughter are the best of friends, and I believe it is because of her, that his speech has tripled this year. He greets her with the words/action, "hug", "kiss", "five"(high five), like they are long lost friends, and all they did was nap. Brings tears to my eyes every time.
As for the world, it is run by greed, so until that element has been remove, there will never be an end. If a drug dealer tried to give you a pill, would you take it. No, not unless you knew what it was. People are like cattle, most don't care, just let them get on with their own agenda.
Just try your best! I did the research, got all the books. I read Jenny's right before the birth of our 3rd, and he did not receive any immunizations. He was breast fed, at 8 months he had a seizure. All I could think about the entire time from start to finish was of her book. The seizure had to be stopped at the ER, then we were MEDFLIGHT to U of M, and still my top question was, " Is this related to autism in the family", they found nothing. 3 days at the hospital, nothing. I had switched his supplemental formula and the second ingredient was SOY. Soy, that I later learned is like birth control for children. Soy that MCDonald's and every other product is now using because it is cheap. We have been seeing a center that uses muscle testing. Our DAN doctor just rolls his eyes, but they are more about education than he is. They are about knowing your body and what it needs. It does not need GMO, MSG, or mostly all the products offered at the grocery store. Their motto- Eat like your grandparent's did. Bread was a special treat. Round-up ready(weed killer) soybeans were not! They do the same thing our DAN doctor would do, but with WHOLE supplements, not man-made, which is everything you buy over the counter. And most important they monitor his diet.
Please take a break from all your "research" and enjoy your gift from God! Because all children, even "broken" are a blessing. Would you give Liberty back? No- but in the process of trying to "fix" him, you are missing the simple things that make children, just that children. You will look back on these years and only have the failures and successes of your research. Not the wonderous joy of the momment. You will be more relaxed, and those in your world will blossom with that. After all, the mom is the center of the house hold!
When is the last time you sat on the floor and spun around. Or laid in the grass under a huge tree and just starred at the canopy of leaves highlighted by sunshine. Or just tuned everyone out!!! Everyone has a touch of autism, or as my husband in his defence likes to say " Must of been my autism kicken in." Mine is not having my morning coffee with the morning news. I feel lost when I miss either!
What I was trying to say is that, a blogger, I get a lot of stuff sent to me, and I do check in with Age of Autism now and then because they seem to be the most reliable source for what's going on. But, the emotions and frustrations are real. When you had a perfectly normal child and watched him disappear after a shot - sure, you can say get over it, to me, and that is what I try to let go of everyday.
I play with my son everyday. I love him like I've loved no other on the face of this earth.
I have a homeopath, I know about muscle testing, I feed my son about the best that I can right now.
I was trying to say that personally, I have got to TURN OFF the 'ain't it awful, sad story' every day. I find that many people who read my blog feel the same. You don't have to feel the same as me, and if it is hard to read, don't read it. Write your own.
This is about our journey, and also my personal struggle.
But, I have to say, that I appreciate you taking the time to write your thoughts and feelings to me.
I LIVE for the day my son will talk to me, but I am aware it could never happen. I stay open, I hope, I teach him sign language, I work my butt off playing/teaching him because I want the best for my son.
This is not to say I don't find beauty in Liberty. I have said from the start, he is an awesome soul.
Perhaps it was his purpose to come into being this way; perhaps he is here to teach us all, and he is and I see the gifts of that.
As his mother, it is up to me to help him be as healthy as he possibly can. And he is a joy and delight, he is not miserable and suffering.
But, yeah, I'd love to hear I LOVE YOU MOMMY...I'd settle for just MOMMY, okay? Six years is a long time to wait, but I will. I won't say I'm patient. I won't say that I'm a perfect individual because obviously I am not.
Also, anonymous,
Many people such as yourself are offended by the word recovery, but you see I view the so-called new "autism" as pretty much poisoning. So, if you don't agree with that, then this blog is not for you. I would, however, go bone up on the history of autism, and you will find that the first cases of autism were children of parents who had been exposed to mercury.
Neurodiverse is fine...a poorly functioning body and neurological system is not.
Sounds like your son is doing well and I'm glad for you. Some of us have it tougher than you. Great that you got results with muscle testing. Some of us don't have easy answers.
Here's the thing about the spectrum: ALL THE KIDS ARE DIFFERENT.
I did not mean to offend you.... but I was you. My son suffered because of it. Your latest blog was us! I had enough!!! In our quest to right the wrong done to our son, we put HIM through hell! He will remember that(our son remembers where he put a toy weeks ago). All because of the latest research. My marriage suffered. Let's face it, men are not into detail. The burden was basically mine, with crib notes passed on to my husband. Resentment and everything else comes with that sift of responsiblity. Not to mention the disapointment when it didn't help. Your son FEELS all of this. It is just as much poison as the mercury! Our household is happier, our son calmer since I stopped letting it run our lifes. We still struggle. He hates the bus, to get dressed for church, doctor appointments. But he loves the NH doctor, even hugs her. She doesn't poke him with needles or strap him down. He can't even go to the dentist without being strapped down. His new thing is to SCREAM like crazy when he can't have his way. My life is far from easy. We can not afford even to put him in speech. I go to the library and read all I can, then apply it myself.
I didn't put him through hell on purpose Anonymous....he looked like he was having seizures and the protocol is to get an EEG. My son's father had seizures when he was a child. I had no idea that a conventional office, and one that was supposed to have a good reputation in town would botch it like that. Even my DAN could not believe they just dole out Benadryl to all of the kids without telling the parents!!
So, it was not the DAN protocol that did that to him.
My baby can't talk so it's just hard. I understand about the stress of autism on a marriage. It's not just looking for treatment that does it though, it's the difficulty of not knowing what is wrong. I wish I could ask my son what hurts?! Is it your head, tummy, etc. Anything! Can't point either.
It's very frustrating. I guess we all do the best we can. I am not on a futile search to make him something he's not...Anonymous all I'm doing is trying to make him FEEL better. It is obvious to me that he needs something for his little body to feel good. He is loving and happy most of the time, until he starts screaming for no apparent reason?
And, I'm not allowing every Tom, Dick, and Harry to poke him with needles or strap him down. I think that you have the wrong picture of what I'm doing for my son. I am not on a crusade to make my son be someone he is not, leaving destruction in my wake.
But, a non-verbal child with a heavy metal overload and sensory issues does make for things going anything but smoothly, and if he CAN be helped at all, then by God I will find a way. The path is not clear cut.
Hey, I still do enjoy my life, and miracle of miracles, my husband and I are still together! I celebrate. I do! I will blog more about that aspect as it comes up. Sometimes you hit a rough spot in the road, though. You really should leave me your email so we can talk that way instead of on the blog.
I appreciate you taking the time to write to me and share your thoughts!
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